Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Raw Detox
I didn't feel great while I was doing it, but I have no regrets at all. I think I eat a little differently now, trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies into my daily meals. I'm also very aware that on any given day I only eat so much, and that if I want to eat well, I have to choose well. This seem obvious, but for me it's a bit of a shift. I expect I will try this detox again, especially if I can find a friend to do it at the same time. I'd prefer to do it during warm weather – both my friend and I found that we were cold eating only cold and room temperature food in the middle of New England February.
Today Oprah was discussing The Truth About Food. One study they (she and Dr. Oz) discussed was a raw food experiment. After only ten days, cholesterol was down by 25% and blood pressure was down also. They also discussed a detox experiment which showed no benefit to the detox as far as expelling toxins. However, Dr. Oz sees a detox regime as useful as a reboot or quick start to a better eating plan. They didn't put the two together, and I think that would have been a useful suggestion – detox by going all raw for three, five, seven or more days (I recommend at least four).
Monday, March 03, 2008
Pay off mortgage early?
- We want to build up savings to the recommended three to six months worth of expenses. If my husband lost his job , savings and investments will help a lot more than a lower mortgage balance.
- We want to save money to make a down payment on a new car when one is needed.
- Although I'm not sure about this, I think having a mortgage may result in more financial aid when the boys go to college. Even if we paid an extra 1K a month (ouch!), we wouldn't pay off the mortgage for another eleven years, which is about the time our first will be heading off to college. My guess is his college would be happy to help us out with that sudden extra cash flow.
We don't have credit card debt to pay off, and rollup into the next debt. But we will use future raises to increase our ShareBuilder allotment, and when we pay off our HELOC, we'll increase our savings amount by that figure (as we did recently with our car payment).
If we didn't have an automatic savings plan, or our weren't disciplined enough to use it, paying off the mortgage might work -- but I think it's a big risk to put extra money into a mortgage without an emergency savings stash.
There are a lot of articles on both sides of this argument -- I like this one: http://www.fool.com/foolu/askfoolu/2001/askfoolu010307.htm.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Recurring Chores
Then I rediscovered Motivated Moms. I must have looked at it before, because I have the free 2002 calendar on my hard drive. Like any system, it doesn't fit me perfectly, but isn't that weekly checklist awful cute? So then I spent obsessive hours trying to figure out how I can make my own Motivated Moms calendar, with my own tasks and intervals that are right for me and my house. I want to be able to easily move a task if too many tasks end up on the same day, and I want to print it out. I looked at Outlook and Microsoft Project and a bunch of pages Google turned up, and didn't find anything that does what I want it to.
But it turns out that Palm Desktop will. I have a monochrome Sony Clie with DateBk5 and it handles recurring tasks pretty well. But I don't always look at it, and the tasks start to build up after a while and become daunting! But Palm Desktop will print out a weeks worth of my calendar. The only fault as far as I'm concerned is that it displays each task with a diamond rather than a check box. I'm surprised it's so difficult to figure this out. I wonder how Motivated Moms makes theirs?
And how does my house look? Well, I just moved the office into the living room so that the new carpet can get put in on Thursday, and it's a wreck!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Choosing Floor Covering
In the end I choose an affordable Berber for the office and then spent at least a month second-guessing myself. I looked heavily at Flor carpet squares. I wanted to like them, but I didn't love any of the options I looked at. So the Berber is being installed tomorrow. I don't feel great about it, but I do think I'll like it, as long as it isn't stinky.
And stinky brings me to the livingroom. The carpet is about eight years old and has been misused by the dog. It isn't bad in the cold weather, but once it starts to get warm and humid, the odor is noticable. I'm really struggling with this one. Affordable, environmentally sound choices don't seem to be prevalent. I'm looking at wood, currently.
Friday, January 04, 2008
A good homeschooling day
Not all days are like this! In fact, even the rest of today won't be like this!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Kids giving gifts
You can buy pieces of wire like pins, with a head on the end to hold the beads, load it with a few beads, leaving enough wire at the end to twist around the earring finding that you can get at a craft or bead store – I got ours at AC Moore. M did the beading – he chose the beads and put them on the wire, often more than once if they fell on the floor. He made two to match. Then I wrapped the wire onto the earring finding and voila, a beautiful gift. (Although, don’t underestimate the wrapping procedure if you’re a beading newbie like me. However, since it was a gift from a five-year old, I didn’t feel perfection was necessary.)
For people who don't have pierced ears, we made bookmarks on a ribbon. These were less successful in my opinion, because I had to be involved the whole time, to help him thread the beads onto the ribbon (we used a waxed piece of thread, folded in half as the "needle"). With the earrings I could walk away while he prepared the wires, and attach them to the earring piece later – he could watch or not.
P, who is eight, had trouble with the earrings. He wanted to use big beads, which slip of the end of the wire. He didn't want to hear me tell him that if he started with small bead, it would hold the big bead on. He stuck an ugly button on the wire which looked terrible, and my perfectionist tendencies kicked in. So to cut to the chase, he drew pictures on bookmarks that we cut out of cardstock, and felt very proud of them, and I'm sure the recipients will like them too. They meet my criteria because a little piece of paper, used as a bookmark (I use old envelopes all the time) just cannot be clutter. At least not as long as people read books, which isn't a sure thing, I guess!
E, who is three, made a single gift – he climbed on my lap and said he wanted to make a present, so we did. I didn't feel that he was up to making more than that. Maybe next year.
Need more money?
Here are my options for finding more cash to pay the holiday bills, the astronomical oil heating bill, or to fund replacing the stinky living room carpet (the nine-year old dog has issues):
- Pinch the grocery budget
- Stop all (or most) discretionary spending
- Earn some/more -- get a contract job, or try to sell some sewing (kids pants and baby carriers are the top of the list). Anyone know the best way to sell things like this?
That's it. Nothing that isn't obvious, but sometimes I have to remind myself.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
NaNoWriMo, Week 3
That is actually in shooting range for me, although I've had a busy week. I'm within 1667 words of 25,000.
I cracked the chapter of No Plot, No Problem that talks about week 3 this morning. Week 2 is notoriously hard, and my experience was, indeed, that it was difficult. Last nightI used a scene that I had saved in a different file to bolster my word count -- now that buffer is gone. The urge to quit is strong. Why am I doing this again?
Well, Week 3 is supposed to get easier as the story takes off on it's own. So I'm hoping that's what happens to mine. On the other hand, the support network tends to get pretty tired of this endeavor.
I'll keep pressing forward. I have no idea how I'm going to tie up my novel, but my experience has been that I can write another 1700 words (or so) each day, and move the plot forward somewhat.
Please continue to wish me luck!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
NaNoWriMo update
What's easy: I don't find writing 1667 words in a day that difficult. Even when I think I'm too tired I've managed it. On the other hand. I stop when I reach that goal, which could easily come back to bite me if anything happens this month -- like, say, hosting Thanksgiving (oh yeah, we're doing that). I have a rough story. The details that are part of my own life are easy.
What's hard: actually coming up with made up stuff is hard. Creating characters is hard. Creating a reasonable story arc is hard. Filling in the mystery's details is murderous.
Please wish me luck!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
NaNoWriMo
So far (day 3) I'm on course for 1667 words per day (for a total of 50,000 words in 30 days). That gives me ten extra words, but who's counting (well, I am, about every thirty seconds)! I find that the power of a goal is amazing. It's only day three, so we'll see how it goes, but I think I'm out of ideas, but the word goal pushed me on. What I have is not great, but I'm pretty happy with the whole process, and I'm interested to see how the process goes.
The NaNoWriMo community is faboulous, so I have hope that when I get stuck, I'll be able to get help from them -- at least some questions to get the juices flowing again. On the down side, the boards are really slow.
Students need different tools for success
No answer here, but an agreement on the problem.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
NaNoWriMo Warmup
Preface
Imagine that you’re trying to write a novel – 1500-2000 words a day for a whole month. What would that be like? In the beginning, there’s the lack of a plot – or maybe just too many fractional plots. Fantasy pops into my head – like Crystal Singer or Wrinkle in Time. Or maybe an upscale romance like the Luanne Rice book I’m reading right now, or the Eileen Baker I just finished. I love historical fiction, but that seems like it would need too much research. I don’t have time for research in addition to one thousand words a day – I have a household to run and children to homeschool! I’ve been saying that there should be more romance novels (good for sex life) for married ladies. If it’s true that minivan drivers have sex only three times a month, and that romance novels improve sex life (according to Christiane Northrup), then that seems like a niche waiting to be filled. But what does that look like? If you don’t get the thrill of a new love, that makes the story much harder to write – it might even need actual skill! Yikes! Plots are what I don’t have. I can put one word after the other, I can write non-fiction, but fiction is elusive to me – I feel like it’s just out of sight of my peripheral vision, I can’t quite reach it. I have a scene written of a minivan with a mom and three kids crashing into water – my own fear. If I can include that, it’s a whole three hundred words. Woo hoo.
Alright, so it turns out I’ve already written about a thousand words – I opened my other file and found them. Of course, some of them are in the form of a list – not exactly fiction. But here’s the idea – a woman living my life (because I know that) and her daydreams of living an exciting life. She can live in a Jennifer Crusie novel, a Janet Evanovich novel, a Judith Tarr novel, a Diana Gabaldon novel. I can combine them all – how’s that for cheating! I’m not sure where the tension will be in the “real life” side, but, hey, this is all about word count, right? About people not actually throwing up when they read it? And about finding my inner fiction, because, god dammit, I’m sure it’s there. Hidden under layers of junk, but there somewhere. And, oh – I challenge myself to put in a sex scene.
Can you imagine? Delusions of grandeur already. A published novel! Ooh, that part is pretty good. Alright you – yes you, author lady! You have to actually have a plot to publish a novel! Some pretty words strung together is not enough! What a surprise. It takes actual work! So let’s say seven hundred words in the morning and seven hundred every evening. Now that the Red Sox have won the World Series, baseball season is over and there are three extra hours in every day. Of course, Christmas is also coming, but hey – two hours to write and one to plan for Christmas. If the words will flow, one hour to write might do it. Is that true? I’ll have to measure my speed some day – that will be good for a few more words.
I need to name my protagonist. Christine is a nice uptight name. But Aria is prettier. Gives her something to live up to . More Luanne Rice-like. Hmm.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
What's wrong with kids these days?
A friend wrote me that on reading my letter her husband was convinced that they should homeschool, even though he had never considered it before.Columnist David Brooks writes about the odyssey years, the years of wandering during young adulthood. He claims this wandering is a sensible reaction to the uncertainties of the modern world.
I think he comes closer to the truth when he quotes, “Young people grow up in tightly structured childhoods, but then graduate into a world characterized by uncertainty, diversity, searching and tinkering.”
How do we prepare our children for life in a world of uncertainty? By putting them in a highly structured environment for 13 or more years; by teaching them many facts, facts that are at their fingertips in this wired world, which they know how to navigate better than their elders.
We separate them from the fluid world so they don’t get the chance to figure out how they are uniquely qualified to serve the world and live a fulfilling adulthood until they are on their own. The system doesn’t encourage the creativity and innovation we need in the world today. Do children have the opportunity and encouragement to enable them to find their gifts?
If we can figure out how to structure childhood to give children a basic smattering of facts, to learn how to find out what they need to know, and, most of all, to nurture their individuality and give them the freedom to figure out where they will fit in the world, we might find that young adults had a tremendous amount to give to this troubled world.
This is, in fact, my philosophy of why we homeschool. In it's current incarnation, I do offer my kids a fair number of facts, but not for more than an hour a day or so, and they have most of the rest of the time to explore their own interests. This is what works for us now, but as time goes on my kids may need/demand something different.
I believe that every child should have the opportunity for a childhood like this, not just those whose parents have the time to nurture their individuality. I don't know what this model looks like in an institutional/mass setting. It is not a simple change by any means, but an important one. If I figure out how to work toward it for society, you'll hear more about it here.
More thoughts on Kindergarten
I'm very happy with it, but first the issues I have with it. I think it's a bit too academic in general and for my kindergartener if you do everything, and some of the crafts are a little too "canned" for my taste, but it has a fabulous list of topics and activities. Another caveat is its religious name and themes, but those can easily be omitted (or included only when they are in line with your values) without losing the value of the curriculum as a whole.
It starts with the Biblical creation story which I decided to include. I hope we will discuss many creation stories, and this one is quite beautiful. It suggests many pre-reading activities, some of which I will do, and some that I will skip. After the creation unit a week is spent on each letter of the alphabet and a science topic that begins with that letter. The list is available here. It suggests books and activities for each topic, and there is plenty of content to choose from, and plenty of content for your kindergartener to soak up. The letter flash cards are really nice, and I like the inclusion of simple games. Of the programs I've looked at (Oak Meadow and AmblesideOnline Yr 0) at this level I like this best. That said, please read the articles referenced in my other Kindergarten post about not pushing your Kindergartener too much academcally!
The recommendation in the curriculum is 90 minutes six days a week. I'm thinking I'll do more like 30 minutes at a time!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Why Homeschool
To take this back to homeschooling, I have multiple thoughts. One is not to have expectations of what my children will do as adults. On the other hand, listening to the show on innovators, I want them to have the education to do whatever they wish -- I would hate for them to be held back by choices that I make about their education -- although, if I set the level of preparation at the same level as our public school, perhaps the bar is lower than it could be. And a point that seems difficult for non-homeschoolers to grasp is that I don't want to damage our family relationships in my effort to provide the education that I think is required. Although I do expose them to topics, and I do strongly encourage handwriting and math and I do not push to hard. Some exposure may be important, but force isn't required for them to find and follow their gifts.
We have a small high school at a local technology institute. I would like for them to be equipped to go to that high school, if that is what they wish. But I don't wish that for them if that is not their interest. It may be that my eldest will want to pursue some aspect of film, or some as yet unfound interest. I want to remember that for all of them to pursue a livelihood that uses their unique gifts is the most important gift I can give them. It is most likely to lead them to the happy life that I wish for them.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Eating Right: Local and Organic
I would like to stop buying factory farmed meat. Although I've toyed with vegetarianism, Kingsolver makes a good argument for omnivorism, and then, as always with this issue, there are the practical concerns -- such as my husband really likes meat! So I need to find local meat, and I can. There is a farm about 20 minutes away that sells their own pork, chicken, lamb, and beef. These animals are locally and humanely raised, but I don't know if they're fed pesticide-treated grain. There is a turkey farm another 10 minutes away that has pretty good practices, but could probably not be considered organic. So if I can do the trip just once a month or so, I can probably meet that goal. I am concerned about the cost, but so far the prices are somewhat reasonable, and if I save extra trips to the supermarket, I will probably save some money.
Produce is more difficult for me. I shop irregularly, and try to shop without the kids, so working Farmer's markets into my schedule is more difficult than it should be. There is a farm (not far from the meat farm) that sells in season produce, and they use IPM, so I feel comfortable buying from them. I am not an expert at planning my menus around what I found. I like to choose a recipe then get the ingredients. Also, my husband calls our crisper drawer in the fridge the "rotter drawer" which is sadly too accurate! Frozen organic produce may be my best choice. I'm just not seeing myself buying up all the in-season organic local produce I can find and canning it or otherwise processing it for use the rest of the year. I've considered joining a CSA, but have so far resisted, because I'm afraid that only I would eat what we got, and I'd feel guilty about any waste. As I've said before, I may have gone wrong way back in terms of what my kids will eat!
After reading Kingsolver's book, and with my newly raised conscienceness about pesticides, I find trips to the supermarket excruciatingly frustrating. What's safe? Everything has pesticides or high fructose corn syrup! Of course you know this, but there are whole aisles of junk -- an aisle of cookies and crackers, an aisle of sugar cereal, an aisle of corn syrup salad dressing, and aisle of crunchy pesticide chips. There is no organic bread in my supermarket. I realized that of the healthiest foods I buy, I eat most of them, and my kids get the SAD (Standard American Diet) stuff. (Medium SAD only -- I have some standards!)
I'm getting ready to make our bread. I have a Bosch Universal on my Christmas list, and I think I'll get the Family Grain Mill package from Survival Unlimited with the Bosch adaptor and the hand base. They have the best price I've found. I don't have much of a plan for food stores in case of an emergency, so I figure some wheat berries (which last for years) and a hand mill would be part of that plan. The trade off between time and healthiness is very clear to me. I think I'm willing to take on bread, especially if I'm making 6 loaves at a time. There is the worry that my family won't like what I make, but I've been making bread off and on for a while, and it generally gets eaten. I might not be able to go to 100% whole wheat, but I think it will be healthy bread, and I can buy organic wheat berries. There is a store about 50 minutes away that carries organic whole grains -- worth it if I go only once or twice a year.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Kindergarten thoughts and links
I appreciate the attitude that less is more, especially for this age group. Here are some articles along those lines:
http://www.besthomeschooling.org/articles/lillian_jones_ps_kdgtn.html
http://www.besthomeschooling.org/articles/david_elkind.html (linked in the first article)
http://www.besthomeschooling.org/gateway/inted16.html
I’m already seeing that self-direction will take him where I want him to go – he’s asking to write words every few days, and I help him with that, and today he expressed a wish to read (perhaps the first time I’ve heard that from him). So I’m looking for a gentle structure. I’ve found some great booklists – too many maybe! Some activities that fit with the way our family works would be a good addition (that is, non-twaddly, and of interest to my kids). At some point during the year, when he seems interested, I’ll help him make a calendar with holidays and birthdays on it. I continue to hope to get outside more. We watch Between the Lions mainly for him, although I’m not sure if he gets any literacy education from it – enjoys the stories, though! I may buy Teach a Child to Read With Children's Books.
These are some of the curriculum/book lists that appeal to me, and that I'll draw from this year:
- Oak Meadow http://www.oakmeadow.com/curriculum/samples.htm curriculums for preschool through 1st grade (open the sample and read the table of contents for ideas even if you're not interested in buying the curriculum)
- Letter of the week ideas http://www.letteroftheweek.com/index.html. At the same site are Science of the week, Story of the week, Country of the week, etc.
- My Father’s World has a lovely book list for Kindergarten. http://www.mfwbooks.com/1_k_read.htm , with each week associated with a letter http://www.mfwbooks.com/1_k_theme.htm, but not in alphabetical order, which is fine with me!
- Sonlight http://www.sonlight.com/cp-b.html
- Winter promise themed programs http://www.winterpromise.com/themed.html
I’m ready to learn
Journeys of Imagination
Animals and their worlds
- And some more links on kindergarten from the excellent site, A to Z Home's Cool: http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/weblinks/kindergarten.htm
Monday, August 20, 2007
Fonts and other resources for handwriting (mostly italic)
I've been thinking about buying either StartWrite or Educational Fontware, but I'm on the fence. I really only need one set of fonts, so I balk a bit at spending $25 - 35 for it. I have some educational fonts that I've found for free, so I thought I'd share what they are. I haven't seen these listed in one place. I prefer a slanted font, and currently I plan to teach cursive italics rather than traditional cursive. This is not intended to be a complete list, just a list of what interested me.
I would like to be able to make lines in the same proportion as the fonts, and so far that's been an issue with the free fonts I've found, although I could use the lines from the Learning Curve font even though I'm not planning to teach cursive.
When you evaluate a font, look at all the letters, upper- and lowercase. Is the lowercase a the form you like? How about the uppercase G? I'm partial to a nice upward slant on the bottom of a lowercase a, so I look for that. Check each letter, perhaps comparing them to the handwriting workbook of your choice.
These are the fonts that I've found that look useful:
- Possibly the most useful font is free on all Windows computers -- Lucida Sans, when italicized, looks an awful lot like a nice italic hand. With this or any other font that doesn't come in a dotted or dashed version, you can use the Font dialog box to choose Outline format (or another format you like, such as engraved or raised). You could also make the font color gray, so that you can see what your child has written over the top. Windows Vista has some additional Lucida fonts such as Lucida Handwriting and Lucida Calligraphy that you may like.
- Neal Font: a dotted slanted font. Possibly useful italic-like font, but difficult to read.
- Jarman and Jardotty (select your computer type from the menu at the left): Nice dotted italic font. Make a worksheet based on Jardotty here. The creator of these fonts writes about handwriting here, including some animated suggestions for better handwriting.
- Precursive New: a slanted font available with arrows, dashed, or as a regular unadorned font from BJU.
- Foundation Handwriting: I don't like the C or c and the uppercase G, and I'd rather have a lowercase k without the loop. However, in italics, it's an italic cursive font (lowercase only), which may be it's most useful feature. I got the basic font for free, but I haven't found it again except as a set for sale. (Possibly here. Use a virus checker please!)
- Print Clearly: An upright printed font available in a dashed version. From Blue Vinyl Fonts.
- Skyland: an upright printed font with arrows.
- Learning Curve: a cursive learning font, also available in a dashed font. Quite pretty. The font also includes dingbats for learning characters to create lined paper. From Blue Vinyl Fonts.
- Kid Letter Font: D'Nealian style, includes lines, arrows, dots, and other options. $15
Some other resources:
- About.com has a page on free teaching fonts here: http://desktoppub.about.com/od/fonts/p/schoolfree.htm
- dafont.com had a category of school fonts (I think I've included the best above, but the one with only a bottom and a middle guideline may be useful to some)
- Fontgarden.com has some cool handwriting fonts that could be useful helping an older student to develop a personal style.
- This site has some great ideas about teaching italics -- could easily replace a book (click the Quick results, easy work link).
- Another great site on learning and teaching italics, this one by Ted Power.
- Donna Young has some handwriting pages, although she doesn't favor italics.
- An overview of handwriting styles from Zaner Bloser. (Not actually from Zaner Bloser, according to Kate Gladstone. See comment section.)(Looks like Zaner Bloser actually bought this link since I made the post and Kate commented on it.)
- Kate herself has a list of handwriting resources here (click the Resource People link at the bottom of the page).
For money:
- Check out StartWrite and Educational Fontware if you want to spend money. They are likely to be your best bet. The Fontware give you fonts on your computer that you can use in any application. StartWrite allows you to make pretty worksheets in any of a variety of fonts (personally, I like the Australian fonts). They both get glowing reviews
- D'Nealian fonts for sale ($20)
- I'm intrigued by the Barchowsky Fluent Handwriting program, which comes with fonts. The fonts alone are about $17, and are included with the curriculum.
- http://www.schoolfonts.com.au/: Pretty Australian fonts, but not free.
- About.com's list of Commercial Fonts for Teachers.
- Penny Gardner's book, Italics: Beautiful Handwriting for Children. I own this and like it, but would still like to be able to make customized copywork for my kids.
- Some beautiful copywork books from Downunder Literature.
- The popular workbooks, such as Handwriting Without Tears, Getty Dubay, and many others (try Rainbow Resources for starters).
- A list of handwriting resources at Cynscribe Calligraphy Resources. http://www.cynscribe.com/handwriting.html
- A plug for Modern Italic Handwriting with a free lesson. Useful for adults wanting to learn or practice italics. http://www.studioarts.net/calligraphy/italic/handwriting.html
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Charlotte Mason outside time
I went out around 10am with the clippers. First I had to chase the kids off the non-Charlotte Mason approved computer. I took out my tree book to identify a tree near our driveway, and tried to get my five-year old interested in that, not particularly successfully (I think it's a Hickory tree). I spent awhile clipping, and after a little moping, the boys got busy drawing in chalk on the driveway. That is, until the five-year old freaks out about his brothers messing up his drawing. I have a little talk with the oldest about how important it is for the five year old to feel that he can draw (since he’s intimidated by how good his brother is at it), then I go around to clip in the back, after suggesting we separate the driveway so that middle boy can have his own part. Of course, the three-year old isn’t very good about following rules like this, but I’m not sure that came into play. Pretty soon the seven-year old comes running out with the five-year old in pursuit. Turns out the middle child has been throwing ice cubes at his big brother because he’s still mad about the drawing. thing. So I sent him to his room, and on the way he yells at me that I’m stupid, which earns him a little extra talking to.
Later, they swang for a bit, and then we had lunch outside, which was a little hard to coordinate, but we managed, and had a good 10 or 15 minutes, including noticing an interesting bug. I commented on our trees—which ones matched and which ones were different.
Later, my oldest wanted me to read with him, and at my suggestion he set up a spot for us with cushions while I did a little cleaning up in the kitchen. That worked for about fifteen minutes, and then the other two got a little too rowdy and we stopped to look at clouds for a few minutes.
After another break inside, I came out again to practice throwing a Frisbee. The middle boy turned on the hose, but the three-year old ended up in control! They had a good time, that is, until the five-year old freaked out about getting squirted when he didn’t want to be.
Tonight we have a Frisbee game, so that will be more time outside, so we’ve definitely exceeded the recommended time, but it ain’t easy! I find that most outside time is like this – some good, but a lot of issues, too.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
I Surrender! I Take It Back!
But now I'm wanting to take a little back, to find a little ambition and figure out what to do with it. The first step is to permanently give up any thoughts of having any more babies. I know we're done, I really do, and there are plenty of good reasons not to have any more babies, but I still find it hard to state definitively that this is it. Nobody I tell believes me.
The second step may be to figure out which ambition to follow. Should I try to save the world? Should I try to write that bestselling historical novel? I have enviable leisure to figure that out; well maybe not leisure, exactly, but I don't have to work for a living, currently; I just have to take care of a house and three kids.
My biggest problem? I feel like my creativity is stuck, and I don't know how to crack it open. I think that my calling is to write. I am a published technical writer, but that, I'm almost sure is not my calling. I love to read. Lately my reading list has been a bit bland -- books about homeschooling, homemaking, and chick lit, mostly. But I'm a historical fiction nut. I love A Midwife's Tale, by Laurel Ulrich. I read fantasy: Judith Tarr, Ursula Le Guin, Shari Tepper, Anne McCaffrey. I like mysteries, but of all the genre's I read, I'd be surprised if I ever wrote mysteries. But where do I find the stories? I don't seem to have them. Maybe a scene here or there, but no complete story arcs. Maybe non-fiction is a better bet for me?
And then there's this baggage from my last worthwhile endeavor -- that is, being a mother to young kids. I still have those kids, and I'm still committed to giving them the best childhood that I can. It's just that I want to find a little something meaningful for myself, too. I'm petrified, that I'll look up in fifteen years and wonder what I thought I was doing with all that time. I recently listened to an interview with a homeschooling mother of one, whose life still seems to center around homeschooling -- her only daughter is 28! I don't want to send my boys to school, but I recognize that I'm afraid of the work of finding and following through with an alternative. There is an alternative school within commuting distance, but I'd have to work to pay the tuition. We have a relaxed lifestyle at home now, and that would change if we went that route.
And somewhere in there is finding some time for this new ambition. Although it's true that my kids are less work than when they were 0, 2, and 4 (they must be, right?), I find it hard to actually find that time in my day. Apart from creating and cleaning up three meals a day, plus snacks, plus keeping the house in acceptable shape, not to mention answering a hundred questions an hour with a smile on my face, there are plenty of family-type projects to work on, from photo albums to family movies to family room shades. And I've always struggled with routines -- I think I want one, I may even spend time creating one on paper, yet they never last for long. Yet I think that is what I need to carve out time for me.
Part of me is ready to jump right in, but another part of me thinks I need to educate myself first. I don't know enough to be able to write like Diana Gabaldon. And even though J. K. Rowling gets plenty of criticism, she seems to know plenty of history, mythology, and literature. Natalie Goldberg says to be specific: not just tree, but sycamore. I don't know anything about trees! But how to get there? What the heck did I do for nineteen years of school?! I think it has to be independent study, but I wish I had a way to make myself accountable for it.
But that is the beginning of my plan: 1) Read. Read more widely. Read things that are difficult. Think about and form opionions about what I read. 2) Write. Attempt to write fiction. If scenes are all I have, then just write scenes.