Defining Family Values

I am realizing more and more that time is limited, and that to get done the things that are important to me, I need to first focus on my values, and on our family values, and then choose my tasks accordingly. I am happier when my actions reflect my values. For instance, I can stand the dents and dull spots in my living room floor because my choices about the floor reflected my values of using local, affordable,recyclable, and nontoxic materials. When through circumstances I feel forced to choose actions that do not align with my values, I feel a lot of stress.

I've found that, without thought, finding what aligns with my values is a kind of "I'll know it when I see it" experience. But with thought, I can do a better job of articulating what I want to find, and perhaps get help from others in finding it. That is a journey I am taking now with my homeschooling, but more on that later.

The values that we think are important for our family include the following:

• Gratitude: although we can certainly complain with the best of them, we try not to, and we try to find things to be grateful for. We are blessed, and this is not difficult. We try to express gratitude out loud, too, so our children can hear it. "Yes, it is very sad that Uncle sold his house, but we were so lucky to have the chance to visit it."
• Responsibility to make the world a better place: I see this one from micro to macro, and all our actions are small. At home, I try to use this with sibling issues. If a comment isn't likely to make the situation better, it doesn't need to be said. In speech I like the suggestion to first consider "is it necessary? is it kind? is it true?"
  
• Kindness: in a similar vein, being kind is important. We point out that being funny at someone's expense is unkind and that with kindness we can make a difference in the world, as we make someone feel a little better through kindness that may multiply as all the people we interact with may interact just a little better with other people, and so on.
  
• Take care of the earth: We struggle with this one, but it is nonetheless a family value. We drive a gas minivan and heat with oil, but recycle, talk about how there is no "away" to throw trash to, try to limit our consumption, and think about ways that we can preserve nature.
  
• Appreciate beauty: I try to point out natural beauty as I see it (and even man-made beauty). I think noticing it helps with the previous value, and it also sharpens observation and takes one out of oneself for a moment at least.
  

These are all ideals, of course that we strive toward and don't necessarily achieve, but I think failing to recognize them overtly will most certainly lead to failure to strive toward them at all!

My youngest son recently finished his first year of Spirit Play at our church, and I very much like their Rainbow Promises, and find that they are a good model for our family values also:

• Respect each person.
• Offer fair & kind treatment to ourselves & others.
  
• Yearn to learn about ourselves , each other, and the mystery.
• Grow by searching for what is right and true.
  
• Believe in your ideas, share them, and listen as others share their ideas.
  
• Insist on a fair and peaceful world.
• Value the earth, our home.

Written as part of Steady Mom's 30 Minute Blog Challenge.

Growing

Today my youngest turns six. He was born at home, in the bed and bedroom I still sleep in. He was born fond of snuggling - I carried him in a sling a lot as a baby, and loved him to sleep. As a toddler he would good naturedly find his snuggling, sneaking into a lap when it was convenient to him.

He is very deliberate and independent now. He goes to bed on his own schedule, and doesn't need any help doing it- he may stay up later than we'd like sometimes, but then suddenly he's gone-taken himself off to bed. He's very deliberate in his answers to questions, which in this house often means his answers are provided for him. But if they are provided incorrectly you can be sure we'll hear about it! He is hard to interrupt because he will steadfastly continue on his course. I have found it quicker and easier to work with that and let him finish what he is doing before having him do the task I need from him. I've also found that more than one or two directions or questions at a time is a waste of my breath! He is endlessly energetic and always has something goiing on in his head (and is often engaged in visible, imaginative play). His good nature and happiness are nearly always apparent, and he continues to be an excellent smuggler.

He is quite picky about food, and has been known to leave the table in a huff if green vegetables are put on his plate. His good nature and position as third child have somehow helped him get away with this. Exhibit 1 is the fact that he somehow got three bought meals for his birthday, which has never before happened here! And he's a terrible sugar addict. The other two boys will eat their Halloween candy slowly, over days and week. Not Evan -- he eats his right away and then steals his brothers' if he thinks he can get away with it! When he was one or two we found him ensconced on the couch with a pile of foil wrapped eggs, deliberately unwrapping and eating each one with no end in sight.

He is very verbal, and describes and explains in detail. He knows how to take advantage of finding an available adult ear! He spends a lot of time on weekends at our neighbors house, either talking to her or playing on her computer. Sometimes he comes home with treats they've baked. He plays with ideas and absorbs at his own speed, sometimes surprising me with what he knows. He's an excellent unschooler.

All in all, he is nearly always a joy and causes us very little worry. We're glad he lives here!

Journey North Mystery Class

We started the Mystery Class this week, and I thought I'd give a summary of our first get together. I found it difficult to figure out what to do, so maybe this will help someone else, or simply be a reminder to myself next year. I'm feeling my way through it, but I think the class offers a great opportunity to use data as clues, draw conclusions from graphs, discuss how seasons happen in an astronomical sense, and look at the geography of the world. I homeschool in part to be able to take advantage of integrated learning opportunities like this one!

We printed out data sheets and graphs -- a data sheet for each location (10 in all, and an additional one for each student to record their home data), and one graph for each student. I cut off the bottom inch of the top page of the graph and then taped the two pages together from the back. All the action happens around the 12-hour mark, so make sure the graph can be written on where the two pages join!

We introduced the class as simply taking time clues such as sunrise and sunset to find locations in the world, and that we will be doing this over time.

For the first week we had each student record the sunrise and sunset times for their home location, and calculate the photoperiod -- that is, how long it was light. By our first meeting we had two weeks of data for the home location. We split up the rest of the locations between the students and recorded sunrise and sunset times and calculated photoperiods. Each student then graphed the photoperiod for all eleven locations on their graph, using a separate color for each location (color a box of that color on the top of the data sheet), and noting the number of the site next to the first data point. Data can be graphed as a dot or an X, and as time goes on the data for each location can be connected in a line. So on our first week we had two points for Home and one point each for the other 10 locations.

We used a globe to discuss some of the simpler concepts, such as where it's light all day and when, and vice versa (the poles). (This would probably work better at night with a flashlight -- we did it in the daytime with sunlight -- or by using these pictures which I just found.) We looked at the line dividing day from night and talked about how it slants and what that means for the length of the days and nights in north and south hemispheres. With a flashlight I could have taken the globe around to the other side (retaining the same slant) and discussed the opposite season.

We talked about latitude and longitude in very general terms (latitude being measured by the lines parallel to the equator, and longitude being measured by the lines that go through the poles.) We read the Latitude Rap, which might be more interesting later -- right now it had too many new ideas. We mentioned the Prime Meridian as the base (or Universal) time used in the world (which lead to a brief discussion of the extent of the British Empire).

We looked at the completed chart included in the teachers pack on Latitude and used what we know to make some guesses about the locations on that graph.

We also viewed the video included in the clues for Location #6 and made some guesses on where it might be based on our data for the first week, their data for the first week, and a guess on the nationality (or native language) of the students.

Our students picked a pet location and filled out one sentence about it on the weekly worksheet. There will be more to write later, I think.

I think that's it! Next week I may have new students, so we may review. I may get a better grasp of the materials available on the Journey North site, also, and make use of more of them.

Check out my friend Kris's preparations too, at At Home Science.

Temper, temper

I have a bit of a temper. My mother will tell you all about it. Lately, my kids have been mentioning it too. So, with my wonderful new ipod Touch, I'm on a mission to improve it. I'm using (free) Daily Tracker -- I added a "Temper?" question, and every day I can answer yes or no. If I don't answer, it puts in a grayed out No for me, but doesn't count it in the statistics it compiles. Day one, before I decided to start, I lost it when our oldest broke a pretty wedding gift, but that, with the yelling a couple days before were what propelled me to this new effort, so they had a purpose.

It's day 2 that's worth talking about. It was a Sunday, which means I didn't have to direct the kids too much, and I didn't do any yelling. We just needed to get to church and home again, and keep the boys out of too much trouble. M (7) and I went to Family Yoga together. He went reluctantly, but he loved it. I wish it was more than once a month. The day is already fading into memory, but it was joyful, a really lovely day, and I have to think that my new resolution was part of that.

The days since have not been as good. One of them I yelled -- it bubbled out of me (with some cause that I don't know remember) so quickly that I didn't have a chance to quell it. The next day I didn't yell, but I was trying to get the boys to do some schoolwork, and they didn't appreciate it. In fact, the oldest ran away from home for about 45 minutes over math homework.

But I will hold the glow of that one day and hope that if I continue to work, it will be repeated.

Getting ready for a new puppy

Even before we went to England we knew we would get a new dog soon. My sensitive middle son was very attached to our dog who died in March, and is also attached to our neighbor's 15-year old dog. We feel like getting a new puppy is almost a necessity.

Before we went to England we visited a local breeder who I know a little bit who has two litters of black Portuguese Water Dog (PWD) puppies. (Because of my allergies we're looking at purebreds with non-shedding coats.) We were pretty sure we would be bringing one home at the end of October. But when we came home from our trip and the weight of my household and family responsibilities hit my shoulders like a ton of bricks, I began to rethink that decision. For one thing, these puppies are very expensive. And for another, I could see that even though the rest of the family would love the dog, the work would fall to me. A big dog can really only be walked by an adult, and PWDs need intellectual stimulation and exercise and training. I had time to do agility with Jake when he was young; I think I'd just feel guilty I couldn't do the same with this new dog.

I'd thought of a smaller dog earlier in the process, but when I asked my family, particularly dh, they preferred a larger dog. Really, I think, we just wanted a new Jake. And the PWDs we looked at looked just like Jake. But I remembered something an older friend said to me recently "In the end, you're only responsible for your own happiness," and I wasn't sure that getting a bigger dog was taking care of myself.

I asked my family to write me a letter telling me how they would help me out both with the dog and with other work I do when we got a puppy. They didn't write anything. So I started to think about a compromise that both gets my middle boy a puppy and doesn't make me much crazier than I already am. I came up with a smaller dog that costs less, makes smaller poops, and doesn't need it's own seat to travel in a car (we bought a mini-van to in part to travel with Jake). We're getting a Bichon Frise that the boys will be able to walk, even when it's full grown. The boys are fully converted after seeing some pictures. They sound fabulous although some say they're hard to house train -- I hope they're wrong!

I felt sad today when I told the PWD breeder we had decided on another breed, but maybe that's just the end of saying goodbye to Jake. We're working on names for our new puffball (who I plan to keep in a puppy cut)! My hope is that a smaller dog will need less training (maybe I'm wrong there!) and will be easier to exercise. I know the crate will fit into our house better!

Trip abroad: Planning and Money

We are back from 11 fully filled days to the UK. That said, we didn't see everything, not even everything on my much shortened list. However, we did have a good time.

So here are my first thoughts on planning a trip such as ours.

The first suggestion is to plan lots. Have a flexible schedule with options. In a few places on our trip, notably London, which we did at the end, I was woefully underprepared. I didn't have a reasonable top 5 list, and perhaps more importantly, I didn't know how we were going to get around. So we struggled a bit with Tube tickets before buying an Oyster card (still not sure if that was the right decision), and we struggled with finding a double-decker bus going where we wanted to go, although that was successful in the end.

Money: If you can, you and your travel partner (even if it's a spouse) should carry different credit cards so that if one disappears or get stolen, you have the second to fall back on. We ran the last day and a half of our trip on the cash left in my wallet. We didn't see the Tower of London for this reason, although there weren't resounding cheers at the idea of going either, so we might have skipped it anyway.

The less money you have, the more you should plan. If you're trying to keep to a budget, it's going to be less stressful if you know where you can eat and sleep each day. Don't forget to budget for sights – we were told this is an affordable option in the UK). We only visited a service station once, and we did quite a lot of driving. We were lucky to be able to travel without counting too many pence, although we did have to budget at the end when we didn't have plastic anymore.

Speaking of driving, it's pretty challenging. First there's the driving on the left side thing. Then there's the fact that the roads are narrow (really narrow, and they sometimes get narrower for no other reason than to slow you down) and the Brits drive really fast. Then there are the hedges blocking your view around any bends – and everywhere there's a bend, so don't plan on seeing the road ahead (except for motorways, of course). And because of that you'll whiz right by your turns. If you're lucky there will be a roundabout where you can turn around, but if not, plan on going miles before the driver gets up the nerve to turn around. And speaking of roundabouts, feel free to go around more than once if you need to to find the correct road. It's way easier than turning around later.

I scheduled our flight on Iceland Air through Iceland. It was cheaper than anything else I could find. The flight over is a bit brutal, leaving Boston at 9:30 pm and getting off the plane for an hour at 2am our time, and on another plane for another 3 hours. I don't regret that choice at all.

I was very happy with our lodgings. The first place we stayed was a wonderful little cottage at Merkins Farm near Bradford-on-Avon (which is near Bath). It has three bedrooms and a wonderful view, and was just perfect for us. There was a delicious cake awaiting us after our hard drive from Heathrow (see section above on driving in Britain!). It was worth the difficult drive, and we stayed there three nights.

Tweet log

1. 2 friends visiting today, but 5 boys is not enough-we just added a 6th for the evening. So far conflicts have been small and self-resolved.3:56 PM Sep 11th from TwitterGadget
2. Spent all day typing about handwriting: http://trunc.it/1ni9k andhttp://trunc.it/1nip4.9:24 PM Aug 31st from TwitterGadget
3. After creating a plan that has us seeing everything in the UK south of York, I've settled on three destinations. We'll take day trips.5:25 PM Aug 29th from TwitterGadget
4. The boys have built a castle, following the directions in Macaulay's book. http://trunc.it/1k2mq2:52 PM Aug 26th from TwitterGadget
5. Just booked a trip for five to Great Britain. Woo hoo!4:23 PM Aug 25th from TwitterGadget
6. Where should I look for ideas for traveling with 3 boys in England and Wales?10:30 PM Aug 23rd from TwitterGadget
7. 
   I'm late to the Not Back-To-School party: http://bit.ly/vIDTjBack from a fab Mom's weekend away in Boothbay. Yesterday we watched moonrise over the Atlantic (sublime) and played Spoons (ridiculous).11:01 PM Aug 9th from TwitterGadget
8. 10:36 PM Aug 9th from TwitterGadget
9. 
   Ds2&3 noted the resemblance of Dvorak's New World Symphony to the SW score. http://trunc.it/151cg Music unit study?http://trunc.it/14krjFound it: http://bit.ly/24ryQG :58 and http://bit.ly/2KbmUZ 7:308:15 PM Jul 29th from TwitterGadget
10. 
    I'm painting outside trim (White Dove). Dh got ahead of me yesterday with the stain (Spruce Blue), and now I have to catch up.My oldest did paid chores all weekend 2 earn enough 4 the new HP game (4 PC), & they R now all 3 entranced by it. Patient w/ #3's playin, 2.3:27 PM Jul 22nd from TwitterGadget
11. 
    I've seen a fox and a hummingbird in our suburban back yard today.Kids were inspired to make their own version of Mythmatical. Greek gods for oldest, and Norse for middle, and no silly math.3:11 PM Jun 26th from web
12. 
    Interesting article about year round school with enrichment intersessions in the WashPo: http://tinyurl.com/n48988Back from our first camping trip. Beautiful site (Tully Lake). Canoed, ate, hiked, and listened to the rain all night.11:58 AM Jun 13th from TwitterGadget
13. 
    Planted a variegated dogwood with my dogs ashes.New blog post on students' response to failure. http://bit.ly/cfY26:56 PM Jun 6th from TwitterGadget
14. 
    My 9 yo wants to create a website and use miniclip games on it. Anyone have a recommendation of how to get started?Planted: tomatoes in containers, squash (no zucchini available), nasturtium, peas, cukes, parsley, cilantro.4:39 PM Jun 6th from TwitterGadget
15. 
    I have a new blog post on getting sucked in to homeworkhttp://tinyurl.com/p2y75g.My mother is having a hip replaced in 2 hours, and I'm flying to VA tomorrow. ??Go to the homeschool fair today to see what local hsers do?9:13 AM May 22nd from web
16. 
    Planning more work for the boys during their week with Grandma than normal. Might keep them away from the screens.Had a tough trip to Staples yesterday - forgot my wallet. Leaving, my 5yo said, they should have a button that says "That wasn't easy!"10:19 AM May 18th from TwitterGadget
17. 
    2:58 PM Jan 13th from web
    Oldest now obsessed with building a cardboard and duct tape boat. Currently, it's 30 F and due to get colder.I have a post in the Carnival of Homeschoolinghttp://jacquedixon.com/?p=3... Here's the post:http://tinyurl.com/pb4nqn9:18 AM May 12th from TwitterGadget
19. Just did a serendipitous bridge unit based onhttp://tinyurl.com/9evwd5. Read Javier Builds a Bridge.2:58 PM Jan 13th from web
20. How the heck do I get my Verizon FIOS messages that people leave when I don't answer call waiting?10:27 AM Jan 12th from web
21. I'm about to try the crazy honey/onion cough remedy.8:10 PM Dec 29th, 2008 from web
22. I have blog posts on the ice storm and on our homeschool fair uphttp://www.everydaybest.blo....10:40 AM Dec 29th, 2008 from web
23. I won #nanowrimo!2:03 PM Nov 30th, 2008 from web
24. 
    I think Write or Die is amazing. It's trained me to write without updating my words every 100 or so (which I'm not proud of!)4:29 PM Nov 25th, 2008 from web
25. 
    I'm going to try Write or Die to get my #nanowrimo word count done for the day.
26. 7:53 PM Nov 15th, 2008 from web