I am currently in the midst of NaNoWriMo, an attempt to write 50,000 words of fiction in 30 days. For me it is all consuming, so why am I writing about margins? There is a magic that can come from placing myself in front of my novel, with my fingers on the keyboard. Sometimes it takes awhile, but in the course of this month my imagination will send more to my typing fingers than I ever thought possible -- but I have to give my imagination a margin -- I have to sit at the keyboard and do the work, even when it takes a long time.
Similar in my family life in the concept of quality family time. We do not always have quality time every time we are together, but the value in being together is that it can be wonderful. But if we never give it the time, it won't be. We are tempted to fill up our evenings with commitments and skip family dinners. It's true that sometimes our dinners are far from transcendent. Some one is mad at someone else, or the food isn't very good, or the conversation is boring. But sometimes we have a fabulous time together, we talk about interesting things, or learn something that we didn't know. Those are the dinners that I want to happen, but to experience them, we have to live through the other kind too. We have to provide a margin for the magic to happen.
Showing posts with label Life with kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life with kids. Show all posts
Saturday, November 12, 2011
"I am not responsible for your feelings"
I have recently been thinking a lot about this idea "I am not responsible for your feelings."
While it is true that no one can enter my mind and fiddle with my feelings, we certainly learn to push the buttons of our loved ones. I have noticed, particularity with my children, that upsetting siblings (or other loved ones) is in some way rewarding, and people learn quickly how to do it. It seems to me to then teach them that they are not responsible for the feelings that arise from their words or actions is somewhat immoral. It allows them to commit egregious deeds and then respond without compassion to the feelings that arose in the other person as a result.
But let me take a step back and look at two extremes. The first is the case where someone, in fact, truly did nothing and their friend or relative is having strong feelings about them. I will risk my reputation when I say this has happened to me, that I have become angry or unhappy about a person when, in fact, nothing has actually happened. I expect that I am not alone.
At the other extreme, a person has willfully been hurtful, has spread rumors or spoken cruelly, been physically or emotionally abusive, or stolen from or cheated someone in someway that most of us would see as justifiable reasons for negative feelings.
Having laid out what I think are self-explanatory examples from which you will draw your own conclusions I want to return to the idea of being responsible for feelings. I am going to venture the opinion that no one is responsible for anyone's feelings, even our own. There are a few enlightened beings among us who can control their thoughts and feelings. There are others among us who are at the complete mercy of our thoughts and feelings. The rest of us ride a middle course: attempting to turn our thoughts and feelings to the positive, but certainly not always succeeding. My understanding of Buddhist belief is that thoughts and feelings happen, but it is up to us whether we chose to believe them. This comes close to my own opinion.
My experience is that I can only be somewhat successful in controlling my thoughts and feelings, and that some responsibility for triggering negative thoughts and feelings may sometimes be reasonably applied to an outside source.
As a parent this is an interesting question to me. Take the case where one of my children gets upset and tell me "He made me mad." Sometimes I agree -- one brother may have set up another brother in a way that made him mad in the past and is likely to do the same today. The mad brother, though, has a history of over-reacting -- again this is our subjective opinion. I personally do not see this as a case of not being responsible for the angry brother's feelings. I see it as more like the case where one car rear-ends the car in front of it without much force, but the driver, who was predisposed to injury through pre-existing conditions, suffers traumatic neck injury. In this case the driver of the car causing the accident is legally liable for the injury.
With my kids I want them to look at the upset person, acknowledge that they have acted in a way that contributed to the out of control feelings, and make appropriate amends and, hopefully, refrain from acting the same way again. The angry child has a job too -- to try to tone it down, to recognize that they are very sensitive to getting angry and to begin to get a handle on that. We live in a family, a community, and we cannot live alone. These are the steps I think the involved persons need to take to live in harmony with each other.
I recently had the experience of two people making a decision that negatively impacted my life. One was able to listen to my upset, and validate that she could see why I might feel that way. The other told me that she was not responsible for my feelings. Guess which one I'm now happy to be in community with? The first didn't change what she had done, but she did help me to deal with my own feelings about the event. She didn't "Gaslight" me by telling me in any way that my feelings were invalid, and because of that I was able, on my own, to recognize the ways in which my feelings were out of proportion to the event and it's actual effects on me and my family.
If empathy is foremost then we can in fact say (but only in our heads and never aloud to the upset person) "I am not responsible for your feelings." It may be true, but it is a way of saying "I don't have to care what I did, and I don't have to care about you and your feelings." If we can be with the person, hear them, empathize with their feelings and make reasonable accommodation not to repeat the result will a better community/family.
These are some other interesting discussions of this same topic:
I am not responsible for your feelings
Responsibility
While it is true that no one can enter my mind and fiddle with my feelings, we certainly learn to push the buttons of our loved ones. I have noticed, particularity with my children, that upsetting siblings (or other loved ones) is in some way rewarding, and people learn quickly how to do it. It seems to me to then teach them that they are not responsible for the feelings that arise from their words or actions is somewhat immoral. It allows them to commit egregious deeds and then respond without compassion to the feelings that arose in the other person as a result.
But let me take a step back and look at two extremes. The first is the case where someone, in fact, truly did nothing and their friend or relative is having strong feelings about them. I will risk my reputation when I say this has happened to me, that I have become angry or unhappy about a person when, in fact, nothing has actually happened. I expect that I am not alone.
At the other extreme, a person has willfully been hurtful, has spread rumors or spoken cruelly, been physically or emotionally abusive, or stolen from or cheated someone in someway that most of us would see as justifiable reasons for negative feelings.
Having laid out what I think are self-explanatory examples from which you will draw your own conclusions I want to return to the idea of being responsible for feelings. I am going to venture the opinion that no one is responsible for anyone's feelings, even our own. There are a few enlightened beings among us who can control their thoughts and feelings. There are others among us who are at the complete mercy of our thoughts and feelings. The rest of us ride a middle course: attempting to turn our thoughts and feelings to the positive, but certainly not always succeeding. My understanding of Buddhist belief is that thoughts and feelings happen, but it is up to us whether we chose to believe them. This comes close to my own opinion.
My experience is that I can only be somewhat successful in controlling my thoughts and feelings, and that some responsibility for triggering negative thoughts and feelings may sometimes be reasonably applied to an outside source.
As a parent this is an interesting question to me. Take the case where one of my children gets upset and tell me "He made me mad." Sometimes I agree -- one brother may have set up another brother in a way that made him mad in the past and is likely to do the same today. The mad brother, though, has a history of over-reacting -- again this is our subjective opinion. I personally do not see this as a case of not being responsible for the angry brother's feelings. I see it as more like the case where one car rear-ends the car in front of it without much force, but the driver, who was predisposed to injury through pre-existing conditions, suffers traumatic neck injury. In this case the driver of the car causing the accident is legally liable for the injury.
With my kids I want them to look at the upset person, acknowledge that they have acted in a way that contributed to the out of control feelings, and make appropriate amends and, hopefully, refrain from acting the same way again. The angry child has a job too -- to try to tone it down, to recognize that they are very sensitive to getting angry and to begin to get a handle on that. We live in a family, a community, and we cannot live alone. These are the steps I think the involved persons need to take to live in harmony with each other.
I recently had the experience of two people making a decision that negatively impacted my life. One was able to listen to my upset, and validate that she could see why I might feel that way. The other told me that she was not responsible for my feelings. Guess which one I'm now happy to be in community with? The first didn't change what she had done, but she did help me to deal with my own feelings about the event. She didn't "Gaslight" me by telling me in any way that my feelings were invalid, and because of that I was able, on my own, to recognize the ways in which my feelings were out of proportion to the event and it's actual effects on me and my family.
If empathy is foremost then we can in fact say (but only in our heads and never aloud to the upset person) "I am not responsible for your feelings." It may be true, but it is a way of saying "I don't have to care what I did, and I don't have to care about you and your feelings." If we can be with the person, hear them, empathize with their feelings and make reasonable accommodation not to repeat the result will a better community/family.
These are some other interesting discussions of this same topic:
I am not responsible for your feelings
Responsibility
Monday, June 28, 2010
Defining Family Values
I am realizing more and more that time is limited, and that to get done the things that are important to me, I need to first focus on my values, and on our family values, and then choose my tasks accordingly. I am happier when my actions reflect my values. For instance, I can stand the dents and dull spots in my living room floor because my choices about the floor reflected my values of using local, affordable,recyclable, and nontoxic materials. When through circumstances I feel forced to choose actions that do not align with my values, I feel a lot of stress.
I've found that, without thought, finding what aligns with my values is a kind of "I'll know it when I see it" experience. But with thought, I can do a better job of articulating what I want to find, and perhaps get help from others in finding it. That is a journey I am taking now with my homeschooling, but more on that later.
The values that we think are important for our family include the following:
My youngest son recently finished his first year of Spirit Play at our church, and I very much like their Rainbow Promises, and find that they are a good model for our family values also:
I've found that, without thought, finding what aligns with my values is a kind of "I'll know it when I see it" experience. But with thought, I can do a better job of articulating what I want to find, and perhaps get help from others in finding it. That is a journey I am taking now with my homeschooling, but more on that later.
The values that we think are important for our family include the following:
- Gratitude: although we can certainly complain with the best of them, we try not to, and we try to find things to be grateful for. We are blessed, and this is not difficult. We try to express gratitude out loud, too, so our children can hear it. "Yes, it is very sad that Uncle sold his house, but we were so lucky to have the chance to visit it."
- Responsibility to make the world a better place: I see this one from micro to macro, and all our actions are small. At home, I try to use this with sibling issues. If a comment isn't likely to make the situation better, it doesn't need to be said. In speech I like the suggestion to first consider "is it necessary? is it kind? is it true?"
- Kindness: in a similar vein, being kind is important. We point out that being funny at someone's expense is unkind and that with kindness we can make a difference in the world, as we make someone feel a little better through kindness that may multiply as all the people we interact with may interact just a little better with other people, and so on.
- Take care of the earth: We struggle with this one, but it is nonetheless a family value. We drive a gas minivan and heat with oil, but recycle, talk about how there is no "away" to throw trash to, try to limit our consumption, and think about ways that we can preserve nature.
- Appreciate beauty: I try to point out natural beauty as I see it (and even man-made beauty). I think noticing it helps with the previous value, and it also sharpens observation and takes one out of oneself for a moment at least.
My youngest son recently finished his first year of Spirit Play at our church, and I very much like their Rainbow Promises, and find that they are a good model for our family values also:
- Respect each person.
- Offer fair & kind treatment to ourselves & others.
- Yearn to learn about ourselves , each other, and the mystery.
- Grow by searching for what is right and true.
- Believe in your ideas, share them, and listen as others share their ideas.
- Insist on a fair and peaceful world.
- Value the earth, our home.
Written as part of Steady Mom's 30 Minute Blog Challenge.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Growing
Today my youngest turns six. He was born at home, in the bed and bedroom I still sleep in. He was born fond of snuggling - I carried him in a sling a lot as a baby, and loved him to sleep. As a toddler he would good naturedly find his snuggling, sneaking into a lap when it was convenient to him.
He is very deliberate and independent now. He goes to bed on his own schedule, and doesn't need any help doing it- he may stay up later than we'd like sometimes, but then suddenly he's gone-taken himself off to bed. He's very deliberate in his answers to questions, which in this house often means his answers are provided for him. But if they are provided incorrectly you can be sure we'll hear about it! He is hard to interrupt because he will steadfastly continue on his course. I have found it quicker and easier to work with that and let him finish what he is doing before having him do the task I need from him. I've also found that more than one or two directions or questions at a time is a waste of my breath! He is endlessly energetic and always has something goiing on in his head (and is often engaged in visible, imaginative play). His good nature and happiness are nearly always apparent, and he continues to be an excellent smuggler.
He is quite picky about food, and has been known to leave the table in a huff if green vegetables are put on his plate. His good nature and position as third child have somehow helped him get away with this. Exhibit 1 is the fact that he somehow got three bought meals for his birthday, which has never before happened here! And he's a terrible sugar addict. The other two boys will eat their Halloween candy slowly, over days and week. Not Evan -- he eats his right away and then steals his brothers' if he thinks he can get away with it! When he was one or two we found him ensconced on the couch with a pile of foil wrapped eggs, deliberately unwrapping and eating each one with no end in sight.
He is very verbal, and describes and explains in detail. He knows how to take advantage of finding an available adult ear! He spends a lot of time on weekends at our neighbors house, either talking to her or playing on her computer. Sometimes he comes home with treats they've baked. He plays with ideas and absorbs at his own speed, sometimes surprising me with what he knows. He's an excellent unschooler.
He is very deliberate and independent now. He goes to bed on his own schedule, and doesn't need any help doing it- he may stay up later than we'd like sometimes, but then suddenly he's gone-taken himself off to bed. He's very deliberate in his answers to questions, which in this house often means his answers are provided for him. But if they are provided incorrectly you can be sure we'll hear about it! He is hard to interrupt because he will steadfastly continue on his course. I have found it quicker and easier to work with that and let him finish what he is doing before having him do the task I need from him. I've also found that more than one or two directions or questions at a time is a waste of my breath! He is endlessly energetic and always has something goiing on in his head (and is often engaged in visible, imaginative play). His good nature and happiness are nearly always apparent, and he continues to be an excellent smuggler.
He is quite picky about food, and has been known to leave the table in a huff if green vegetables are put on his plate. His good nature and position as third child have somehow helped him get away with this. Exhibit 1 is the fact that he somehow got three bought meals for his birthday, which has never before happened here! And he's a terrible sugar addict. The other two boys will eat their Halloween candy slowly, over days and week. Not Evan -- he eats his right away and then steals his brothers' if he thinks he can get away with it! When he was one or two we found him ensconced on the couch with a pile of foil wrapped eggs, deliberately unwrapping and eating each one with no end in sight.
He is very verbal, and describes and explains in detail. He knows how to take advantage of finding an available adult ear! He spends a lot of time on weekends at our neighbors house, either talking to her or playing on her computer. Sometimes he comes home with treats they've baked. He plays with ideas and absorbs at his own speed, sometimes surprising me with what he knows. He's an excellent unschooler.
All in all, he is nearly always a joy and causes us very little worry. We're glad he lives here!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Temper, temper
I have a bit of a temper. My mother will tell you all about it. Lately, my kids have been mentioning it too. So, with my wonderful new ipod Touch, I'm on a mission to improve it. I'm using (free) Daily Tracker -- I added a "Temper?" question, and every day I can answer yes or no. If I don't answer, it puts in a grayed out No for me, but doesn't count it in the statistics it compiles. Day one, before I decided to start, I lost it when our oldest broke a pretty wedding gift, but that, with the yelling a couple days before were what propelled me to this new effort, so they had a purpose.
It's day 2 that's worth talking about. It was a Sunday, which means I didn't have to direct the kids too much, and I didn't do any yelling. We just needed to get to church and home again, and keep the boys out of too much trouble. M (7) and I went to Family Yoga together. He went reluctantly, but he loved it. I wish it was more than once a month. The day is already fading into memory, but it was joyful, a really lovely day, and I have to think that my new resolution was part of that.
The days since have not been as good. One of them I yelled -- it bubbled out of me (with some cause that I don't know remember) so quickly that I didn't have a chance to quell it. The next day I didn't yell, but I was trying to get the boys to do some schoolwork, and they didn't appreciate it. In fact, the oldest ran away from home for about 45 minutes over math homework.
But I will hold the glow of that one day and hope that if I continue to work, it will be repeated.
It's day 2 that's worth talking about. It was a Sunday, which means I didn't have to direct the kids too much, and I didn't do any yelling. We just needed to get to church and home again, and keep the boys out of too much trouble. M (7) and I went to Family Yoga together. He went reluctantly, but he loved it. I wish it was more than once a month. The day is already fading into memory, but it was joyful, a really lovely day, and I have to think that my new resolution was part of that.
The days since have not been as good. One of them I yelled -- it bubbled out of me (with some cause that I don't know remember) so quickly that I didn't have a chance to quell it. The next day I didn't yell, but I was trying to get the boys to do some schoolwork, and they didn't appreciate it. In fact, the oldest ran away from home for about 45 minutes over math homework.
But I will hold the glow of that one day and hope that if I continue to work, it will be repeated.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Getting ready for a new puppy
Even before we went to England we knew we would get a new dog soon. My sensitive middle son was very attached to our dog who died in March, and is also attached to our neighbor's 15-year old dog. We feel like getting a new puppy is almost a necessity.
Before we went to England we visited a local breeder who I know a little bit who has two litters of black Portuguese Water Dog (PWD) puppies. (Because of my allergies we're looking at purebreds with non-shedding coats.) We were pretty sure we would be bringing one home at the end of October. But when we came home from our trip and the weight of my household and family responsibilities hit my shoulders like a ton of bricks, I began to rethink that decision. For one thing, these puppies are very expensive. And for another, I could see that even though the rest of the family would love the dog, the work would fall to me. A big dog can really only be walked by an adult, and PWDs need intellectual stimulation and exercise and training. I had time to do agility with Jake when he was young; I think I'd just feel guilty I couldn't do the same with this new dog.
I'd thought of a smaller dog earlier in the process, but when I asked my family, particularly dh, they preferred a larger dog. Really, I think, we just wanted a new Jake. And the PWDs we looked at looked just like Jake. But I remembered something an older friend said to me recently "In the end, you're only responsible for your own happiness," and I wasn't sure that getting a bigger dog was taking care of myself.
I asked my family to write me a letter telling me how they would help me out both with the dog and with other work I do when we got a puppy. They didn't write anything. So I started to think about a compromise that both gets my middle boy a puppy and doesn't make me much crazier than I already am. I came up with a smaller dog that costs less, makes smaller poops, and doesn't need it's own seat to travel in a car (we bought a mini-van to in part to travel with Jake). We're getting a Bichon Frise that the boys will be able to walk, even when it's full grown. The boys are fully converted after seeing some pictures. They sound fabulous although some say they're hard to house train -- I hope they're wrong!
I felt sad today when I told the PWD breeder we had decided on another breed, but maybe that's just the end of saying goodbye to Jake. We're working on names for our new puffball (who I plan to keep in a puppy cut)! My hope is that a smaller dog will need less training (maybe I'm wrong there!) and will be easier to exercise. I know the crate will fit into our house better!
Before we went to England we visited a local breeder who I know a little bit who has two litters of black Portuguese Water Dog (PWD) puppies. (Because of my allergies we're looking at purebreds with non-shedding coats.) We were pretty sure we would be bringing one home at the end of October. But when we came home from our trip and the weight of my household and family responsibilities hit my shoulders like a ton of bricks, I began to rethink that decision. For one thing, these puppies are very expensive. And for another, I could see that even though the rest of the family would love the dog, the work would fall to me. A big dog can really only be walked by an adult, and PWDs need intellectual stimulation and exercise and training. I had time to do agility with Jake when he was young; I think I'd just feel guilty I couldn't do the same with this new dog.
I'd thought of a smaller dog earlier in the process, but when I asked my family, particularly dh, they preferred a larger dog. Really, I think, we just wanted a new Jake. And the PWDs we looked at looked just like Jake. But I remembered something an older friend said to me recently "In the end, you're only responsible for your own happiness," and I wasn't sure that getting a bigger dog was taking care of myself.
I asked my family to write me a letter telling me how they would help me out both with the dog and with other work I do when we got a puppy. They didn't write anything. So I started to think about a compromise that both gets my middle boy a puppy and doesn't make me much crazier than I already am. I came up with a smaller dog that costs less, makes smaller poops, and doesn't need it's own seat to travel in a car (we bought a mini-van to in part to travel with Jake). We're getting a Bichon Frise that the boys will be able to walk, even when it's full grown. The boys are fully converted after seeing some pictures. They sound fabulous although some say they're hard to house train -- I hope they're wrong!
I felt sad today when I told the PWD breeder we had decided on another breed, but maybe that's just the end of saying goodbye to Jake. We're working on names for our new puffball (who I plan to keep in a puppy cut)! My hope is that a smaller dog will need less training (maybe I'm wrong there!) and will be easier to exercise. I know the crate will fit into our house better!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Homeschooling for the Trip
I think much of our Ambleside Online plans will be put on hold for the month and instead we'll focus on stories and such about Britain in preparation for our trip. This morning we started reading David Macaulay's Castle. After about 20 minutes of that, I tried to switch to one of the Shakepseare History plays in Leon Garfield's Shakespeare Stories, but was pre-empted. P said "I really want to use this book to play We Are The People." He took the book and they disappeared inside for a few minutes. When they came back out they all had parts: P was, I think, the master engineer, M the mason, and E the blacksmith and the miner. They busily made the tools they needed and built a castle, while I read David McCullough's 1776 in preparation for a unit on the American Revolution that I hope to lead for our co-op after the holidays. It was fun to listen to them "narrate" what I had just read to them.
We just went to the library and I got out a pile of books on Britain, but didn't find a good history. So I think I'll revisit stories from An Island Story: specifically the Romans (because we will visit some Roman ruins) and The Princes in the Tower (because they had a connection to Ludlow, where we will visit). I'm sure I pick a few others. I'm going to encourage P to read Dawn Wind by Rosemary Sutcliffe, and maybe some other books set in Britain. The sights all bounce around in chronology -- I'm sure the two younger won't be able to make sense of that. Oh well. And M (7) is very interested in Vikings right now, so we'll probably continue with those books (Viking Tales and Viking Raiders). We're flying through Iceland, but decided not to do a layover -- the Viking sights could have been fun.
I'm also looking for appropriate movies with British settings so that they can perhaps recognize some places from the. Other recommendations are most welcome!
We just went to the library and I got out a pile of books on Britain, but didn't find a good history. So I think I'll revisit stories from An Island Story: specifically the Romans (because we will visit some Roman ruins) and The Princes in the Tower (because they had a connection to Ludlow, where we will visit). I'm sure I pick a few others. I'm going to encourage P to read Dawn Wind by Rosemary Sutcliffe, and maybe some other books set in Britain. The sights all bounce around in chronology -- I'm sure the two younger won't be able to make sense of that. Oh well. And M (7) is very interested in Vikings right now, so we'll probably continue with those books (Viking Tales and Viking Raiders). We're flying through Iceland, but decided not to do a layover -- the Viking sights could have been fun.
I'm also looking for appropriate movies with British settings so that they can perhaps recognize some places from the. Other recommendations are most welcome!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A day
I woke up a bit late and wasn't out of the shower until after nine. I fed the unfed children and set up the Bosch to grind wheat. The two older kids played outside, but Youngest noticed scissors in a holster on a website I was looking at, and wanted some. So we cut out felt the right size and he sewed it (by hand) with my help to make a little blue scissor holster.
I mixed up two loaves of mostly whole wheat No Knead Bread (which I actually knead in my Bosche). It will be ready to cook tomorrow. Then I mixed up three loaves of Whole Wheat Oatmeal Bread, somewhat making up the recipe.
I found the potholder loom that I'd hidden -- it needed only two more loops to be ready to finish, so Middle (7) and I worked on that so that Youngest (5) could use the loom. In the meantime, I'd given Oldest (9) some math to do, which freaked him out. For the record this was the problem: use all nine digits only once each to create an addition problem (i.e. four hundred something plus six hundred something equals one thousand something). That took pretty much forever, and I probably helped him too much. This morning he was reading something -- Pokemon I think. Later I asked him to finish reading A Lion To Guard Us which he did, despite the fact that only feet away his brothers were playing annoying tunes on a toy electric guitar.
After at least some of us had had lunch I sat outside on the swing and finished reading Yonie Wondernose to Middle (7) and Youngest (5). Then we read a story from D'Aulaire's Norse Myths. I went inside to put the bread in the oven, do a few dishes, and make a cup of coffee and collected all the boys (Oldest was finishing up drawing a cartoon) to squeeze onto the outdoor swinging loveseat for the first act of Virginia Lee Burton's Life Story (which is a history of the earth and life on it).
Then I released them just in time for computer time (which is available starting at 3) and took the bread out of the oven. Youngest reminded me he hadn't had lunch so I made him a peanut butter sandwich. I took my knitting back out to the swing to do a couple of rows on my almost finished socks. Then I remembered to call the plumber about the leak in the mudroom which dh just doesn't have time to get to, so I went to do that (took awhile to track down his number). He'll come by tomorrow.
Then I watched a YouTube video about homebirth: Part 1 and Part 2.
Still on the list is making pizza dough with the rest of the freshly ground flour, and sewing the straps on the slowest sewing project ever, my Spring Ruffle Top. Two more sessions and it might be done. So far it's taken probably six separate sessions in the sewing room to get to this point.
Tonight is supposed to be the first ultimate frisbee practice if the weather holds, so I need to make and pack up dinner for the kids to eat at the field and see if I can find my cleats. My mother called to check in. She had her pre-op appointment yesterday for her hip replacement operation in ten days. I'm going down for a week to help her out. And tomorrow I just noticed I have a Jericho Road meeting (a board that I am on) at 9am, but I haven't arranged childcare yet . . . .
I mixed up two loaves of mostly whole wheat No Knead Bread (which I actually knead in my Bosche). It will be ready to cook tomorrow. Then I mixed up three loaves of Whole Wheat Oatmeal Bread, somewhat making up the recipe.
I found the potholder loom that I'd hidden -- it needed only two more loops to be ready to finish, so Middle (7) and I worked on that so that Youngest (5) could use the loom. In the meantime, I'd given Oldest (9) some math to do, which freaked him out. For the record this was the problem: use all nine digits only once each to create an addition problem (i.e. four hundred something plus six hundred something equals one thousand something). That took pretty much forever, and I probably helped him too much. This morning he was reading something -- Pokemon I think. Later I asked him to finish reading A Lion To Guard Us which he did, despite the fact that only feet away his brothers were playing annoying tunes on a toy electric guitar.
After at least some of us had had lunch I sat outside on the swing and finished reading Yonie Wondernose to Middle (7) and Youngest (5). Then we read a story from D'Aulaire's Norse Myths. I went inside to put the bread in the oven, do a few dishes, and make a cup of coffee and collected all the boys (Oldest was finishing up drawing a cartoon) to squeeze onto the outdoor swinging loveseat for the first act of Virginia Lee Burton's Life Story (which is a history of the earth and life on it).
Then I released them just in time for computer time (which is available starting at 3) and took the bread out of the oven. Youngest reminded me he hadn't had lunch so I made him a peanut butter sandwich. I took my knitting back out to the swing to do a couple of rows on my almost finished socks. Then I remembered to call the plumber about the leak in the mudroom which dh just doesn't have time to get to, so I went to do that (took awhile to track down his number). He'll come by tomorrow.
Then I watched a YouTube video about homebirth: Part 1 and Part 2.
Still on the list is making pizza dough with the rest of the freshly ground flour, and sewing the straps on the slowest sewing project ever, my Spring Ruffle Top. Two more sessions and it might be done. So far it's taken probably six separate sessions in the sewing room to get to this point.
Tonight is supposed to be the first ultimate frisbee practice if the weather holds, so I need to make and pack up dinner for the kids to eat at the field and see if I can find my cleats. My mother called to check in. She had her pre-op appointment yesterday for her hip replacement operation in ten days. I'm going down for a week to help her out. And tomorrow I just noticed I have a Jericho Road meeting (a board that I am on) at 9am, but I haven't arranged childcare yet . . . .
Friday, December 05, 2008
Crafts and such for the Homeschool Fair
Our homeschool group had a holiday fair at the beginning of the month, and we all made things to sell. Mason made some earrings. He has a good eye for design, I think. Parker made some little bundt cakes which sold very well, and I made a variety of things.
These are some of Mason's earrings:
And I used the opportunity to use up small pieces of fabric. So here's a girl's ponch
o made with this tute. I hemmed the bottom edge because figuring out a fringe with the corners was beyond me.
My big seller was flannel hankies in a reversible drawstring bag. I made the bags reversible using this tute from Yarn Monster. I've struggled with drawstring bags, embarrassingly, and I love this approach, which I find easy and clear. It is lined, so it uses more fabric, but the little ones stand up even without interfacing, which is kind of cool. The hankies are 10x10 (or four across the width of the flannel), and serged with a three-thread rolled hem, which came out faboulously, if I do say so myself. The corners are curved to make the serging easier.
I also made some bags without the hankies.
I also used this tute from Dragon[knit]fly which makes a very cool
zippered box bag. I recommend starting by sewing around the two pieces of fabric, right sides together, leaving a hole and turning them right side out. Then I eyeballed sewing on the zipper on an already finished edge, and didn't have any raw edges on the inside.
The purple batik tote is made with pre-quilted fabric. I
used some awhile ago to make my niece a zippered lunch bag -- this bag used up all the leftovers.
Two no-sew projects: I made a fleece shawl by cutting a rectangular piece and fringing the short edges with a rotary cutter. I cut a ruana from lightweight fleece (used the directions here -- search the page for Dragonmama). I have one like this that I wear often.
I have some wheat berries and since that is a bit unusual, I used them for some other products. I mixed up the grains for the Blender Pancake Mix from Urban Homemaker, and sold that with directions. I made some no-knead bread with some freshly ground whole wheat flour (and some All Purpose white flour also), and some 100% whole wheat bread with another Urban Homemaker recipe. I love this bread but have found it too crumbly for sandwiches. But with soup or as a snack, it's super, and I've had lots of compliments on it.
Some other good tutes that I thought about using but didn't are these:
Cute patchwork basket:
Coasters: http://allsorts.typepad.com/allsorts/2006/11/crisscross_coas.html
http://foofanagle.wordpress.com/2007/05/06/simple-coasters/
(Please excuse the bizarre formatting. I have much to learn.)
These are some of Mason's earrings:
And I used the opportunity to use up small pieces of fabric. So here's a girl's ponch
o made with this tute. I hemmed the bottom edge because figuring out a fringe with the corners was beyond me.
My big seller was flannel hankies in a reversible drawstring bag. I made the bags reversible using this tute from Yarn Monster. I've struggled with drawstring bags, embarrassingly, and I love this approach, which I find easy and clear. It is lined, so it uses more fabric, but the little ones stand up even without interfacing, which is kind of cool. The hankies are 10x10 (or four across the width of the flannel), and serged with a three-thread rolled hem, which came out faboulously, if I do say so myself. The corners are curved to make the serging easier.I also made some bags without the hankies.
I also used this tute from Dragon[knit]fly which makes a very cool
zippered box bag. I recommend starting by sewing around the two pieces of fabric, right sides together, leaving a hole and turning them right side out. Then I eyeballed sewing on the zipper on an already finished edge, and didn't have any raw edges on the inside.The purple batik tote is made with pre-quilted fabric. I
used some awhile ago to make my niece a zippered lunch bag -- this bag used up all the leftovers.Two no-sew projects: I made a fleece shawl by cutting a rectangular piece and fringing the short edges with a rotary cutter. I cut a ruana from lightweight fleece (used the directions here -- search the page for Dragonmama). I have one like this that I wear often.
I have some wheat berries and since that is a bit unusual, I used them for some other products. I mixed up the grains for the Blender Pancake Mix from Urban Homemaker, and sold that with directions. I made some no-knead bread with some freshly ground whole wheat flour (and some All Purpose white flour also), and some 100% whole wheat bread with another Urban Homemaker recipe. I love this bread but have found it too crumbly for sandwiches. But with soup or as a snack, it's super, and I've had lots of compliments on it.
Some other good tutes that I thought about using but didn't are these:
Cute patchwork basket:
http://ayumills.blogspot.com/2008/05/tutorial-fabric-basket.html
Tote Bag: http://www.sewmamasew.com/blog2/?p=514Coasters: http://allsorts.typepad.com/allsorts/2006/11/crisscross_coas.html
http://foofanagle.wordpress.com/2007/05/06/simple-coasters/
(Please excuse the bizarre formatting. I have much to learn.)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Blue Man Group, Homeschool update
We took the oldest two to Blue Man Group last Saturday as a birthday present for the oldest (who turned nine). The oldest adored it, and the six year-old wasn't so sure. There is some reading in the show, so I think it's better to take a child who can read.
Parker got books for his birthday, and managed to polish off 345 pages (The Lightning Thief) in three days. We were impressed. I found it hard to justify interrupting that with, say, a review of the seven times tables.
I've backed off academics a little. Life is much more fun this way, for everyone. That's no surprise to the unschoolers. Rethinking my materials is a lot of work, and its Novel Writing Month. And next month is the holidays. So our current priorities are having fun, novel writing, and preparing items to sell at our homeschool fair in December. After that, Christmas becomes a priority, starting with presents that need to be shipped. Then we'll see where we are. I think I'll stick with AO3 for the oldest (my loose version of it). I can see digressing lots for my first grader. Life is so much more pleasant when I'm not forcing the learning on him. Really -- a lot. You can't imagine.
Parker got books for his birthday, and managed to polish off 345 pages (The Lightning Thief) in three days. We were impressed. I found it hard to justify interrupting that with, say, a review of the seven times tables.
I've backed off academics a little. Life is much more fun this way, for everyone. That's no surprise to the unschoolers. Rethinking my materials is a lot of work, and its Novel Writing Month. And next month is the holidays. So our current priorities are having fun, novel writing, and preparing items to sell at our homeschool fair in December. After that, Christmas becomes a priority, starting with presents that need to be shipped. Then we'll see where we are. I think I'll stick with AO3 for the oldest (my loose version of it). I can see digressing lots for my first grader. Life is so much more pleasant when I'm not forcing the learning on him. Really -- a lot. You can't imagine.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Be happy, and get out of the way
I finished Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert on Mother's Day. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't feel any need to travel the world alone (which is just as well, considering my three children), but I am inspired to work a little on a meditation practice.
My favorite quote from the book is this:
My favorite quote from the book is this:
As I focus on Diligent Joy I also keep remembering a simple idea my friend Darcey told me once – that all the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people. Not only in the big global Hitler-'n'-Stalin picture, but also on the smallest personal level. Even in my own life, I can see exactly where my episodes of unhappiness have brought suffering or distress or (at the very least) inconvenience to those around me. The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people. (p. 261)
I find this quote makes perfect sense, and it sends me out to find my own happiness in the realization that my happiness is what is best for my family. It also helps me answer the question of whether I as a parent am responsible for my children's happiness – I think the answer is that I need to do my best to teach them how to figure out how to make themselves happy so that they, too, can get out of the way.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
A Nature Walk
I struggle with the nature walk aspect of the Charlotte Mason education. I agree with it completely philosophically. One of the reasons I want to homeschool is so that my children can see their connections to the world around them, and that definitely includes the natural world. It is when the rubber hits the road that I have problems. My kids whine. They would never choose to take a nature walk. And here in New England, it is extremely hard to motivate ourselves to get out in the winter. I did finally put up a bird feeder this year, though, and that has been a good addition to our days.
Last Friday I saw an opportunity to get them out -- we took a walk before I dropped them with Grandma. That way I didn't have to pack food, which made things easier. We went to a new place, too. I had one unhappy boy, but the other two were okay, and found things to see on our forty-five minute walk. We saw curled fiddleheads, a stream running next to a stone wall, a man made stone bridge, leaves and blossoms just emerging, birds (we heard a woodpecker making two distinct sounds, presumably on two different trees). We walked uphill to a pond and saw a little life in that, as well as a huge pile of logs on the other side of it. My four year old told me that beavers have their doors underwater and have long sharp teeth. He would also walk a few steps and then say with amazement, "Look, Mom, another part of the lake." And I would have to look before he would move on. On one stop we saw a pile of large branches under the water and he decided that it was the beavers' playground. My oldest was fairly observant also, and particularly drawn to the stream. About halfway through I did have to make a rule that there are no bad guys in the woods -- they are constantly building stories around bad guys! My middle guy was happier once we turned around. Strangely, he's the one who seems to like nature best, but not, apparently, on this day.
I hope to have more of a nature walk routine through the summer. We do have plenty of outdoor time, but not a whole lot of observation. I also have Wild Days, and would like to get them started with nature journals. My six-year old hasn't been much of a artist, but that is changing, and I think he could do a nature journal now.
I'm tempted to add the moral of the story, but in Charlotte Mason fashion, I'll hope that the writing itself makes it clear!
Last Friday I saw an opportunity to get them out -- we took a walk before I dropped them with Grandma. That way I didn't have to pack food, which made things easier. We went to a new place, too. I had one unhappy boy, but the other two were okay, and found things to see on our forty-five minute walk. We saw curled fiddleheads, a stream running next to a stone wall, a man made stone bridge, leaves and blossoms just emerging, birds (we heard a woodpecker making two distinct sounds, presumably on two different trees). We walked uphill to a pond and saw a little life in that, as well as a huge pile of logs on the other side of it. My four year old told me that beavers have their doors underwater and have long sharp teeth. He would also walk a few steps and then say with amazement, "Look, Mom, another part of the lake." And I would have to look before he would move on. On one stop we saw a pile of large branches under the water and he decided that it was the beavers' playground. My oldest was fairly observant also, and particularly drawn to the stream. About halfway through I did have to make a rule that there are no bad guys in the woods -- they are constantly building stories around bad guys! My middle guy was happier once we turned around. Strangely, he's the one who seems to like nature best, but not, apparently, on this day.
I hope to have more of a nature walk routine through the summer. We do have plenty of outdoor time, but not a whole lot of observation. I also have Wild Days, and would like to get them started with nature journals. My six-year old hasn't been much of a artist, but that is changing, and I think he could do a nature journal now.
I'm tempted to add the moral of the story, but in Charlotte Mason fashion, I'll hope that the writing itself makes it clear!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
New Living Room Floor
I've tossed around the choices for a new living room floor for about a year – carpet, tile, laminate, or wood. I'm looking for an option that is affordable and environmentally friendly. I'm fed up with carpet, and with the dog turning ten, older dog or future puppy accidents are all too likely. We love the tile in our family room – we never fuss at the boys about what they are doing on it -- but we can't quite picture it in our more traditional living room. Also, the floor isn't quite flat. Laminate just doesn't suit my style – I really prefer less processing. I'm not completely comfortable with the engineering of bamboo, and the fact that it doesn't have the ability to be refinished (or at least not multiple times). We don't really like the look of cork for our living room. So we're left with wood, and the concern that wood and boys may not go together.
We do not have a formal living room. In fact, the boys may spend more time playing in the living room than in the family room. The stairs , the office, the front door, and the downstairs bathroom all abut the living room. Our TV is in the living room. Keeping the boys out is not an option.
I'm not crazy about the look of oak (just a personal preference). I've been looking at pine and hickory. I love the look of pine, and my hope is that we could manage to distress it in an attractive way. Hickory is much harder, but also more expensive. It's attractive, but I prefer the look of pine. I worry that hickory would get damaged, but not in an all-over way as is more likely with the pine.
I'm looking at penetrating oil finishes rather than poly. I like that I could refinish any parts of the floor that needed it. My top picks are Osmo, Bioshield, Velvit, Waterlox, or Tung oil.
I'm leaning toward the pine. I prefer the look, and I can get very affordable pine from a mill about an hour away – it's local, the logging has to meet any environmental standards here. Also, our boiler recently needed a new motor, using some of the money earmarked for the floor. I will finish it myself, probably with Osmo or Bioshield. I'd like to lightly stain it, so that it coordinates with our trim. We'll see if we have the nerve to purposely distress it when put it in – we probably should! Our tax rebate is going to be funding this project!
We do not have a formal living room. In fact, the boys may spend more time playing in the living room than in the family room. The stairs , the office, the front door, and the downstairs bathroom all abut the living room. Our TV is in the living room. Keeping the boys out is not an option.
I'm not crazy about the look of oak (just a personal preference). I've been looking at pine and hickory. I love the look of pine, and my hope is that we could manage to distress it in an attractive way. Hickory is much harder, but also more expensive. It's attractive, but I prefer the look of pine. I worry that hickory would get damaged, but not in an all-over way as is more likely with the pine.
I'm looking at penetrating oil finishes rather than poly. I like that I could refinish any parts of the floor that needed it. My top picks are Osmo, Bioshield, Velvit, Waterlox, or Tung oil.
I'm leaning toward the pine. I prefer the look, and I can get very affordable pine from a mill about an hour away – it's local, the logging has to meet any environmental standards here. Also, our boiler recently needed a new motor, using some of the money earmarked for the floor. I will finish it myself, probably with Osmo or Bioshield. I'd like to lightly stain it, so that it coordinates with our trim. We'll see if we have the nerve to purposely distress it when put it in – we probably should! Our tax rebate is going to be funding this project!
Friday, January 04, 2008
A good homeschooling day
Currently my three children are productively employed. The oldest has taken pictures of Lego and has figured out how to print them, three to a page, directly from our new printer. He is planning to write a story and make a "book" with them. Earlier he listened to a Burgess Animal story, which I'll check off of Week 14 of Ambleside Online Year 2 curriculum. The five-year old is listening to a tape of the King's Singers Reluctant Dragon, and the youngest found Yahtzee and was messing around with it -- he's since packed it up and put it away (I was impressed!). About half an hour ago they all needed me at once, but they've since gotten the help that they needed, and have gotten on with their projects. I'm working on some chicken broth, knitting a sock, sewing a Tiny Happy bag, and blogging. I need to clean the kitchen.
Not all days are like this! In fact, even the rest of today won't be like this!
Not all days are like this! In fact, even the rest of today won't be like this!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Kids giving gifts
This year it seemed like it was finally time for the boys to start giving gifts as well as receiving them. In past years it has felt like too much work – in fact, this year it felt like too much work, too, but it also seemed like the right thing to do. A fairly trite case of doing what was right rather than doing what was easy. So we buckled down and figured out doable projects. I thought of beaded gifts, since we have some beads around, but bracelets and necklaces were too big for me and my kids. For one thing, I have a thing about gifts – I don't want them to be clutter. So if we made jewelry, I'd want it to be wearable. But if the kids make gifts, I want them to feel ownership. I could see myself hovering and fixing, and it wasn't going to be a good thing. So only a week or so before Christmas I thought of earrings. Now earrings don't work for everyone on our gift list. They don't even work for all the women, because not all the women have pierced ears. But for the women who do, my five-year old made earrings.
You can buy pieces of wire like pins, with a head on the end to hold the beads, load it with a few beads, leaving enough wire at the end to twist around the earring finding that you can get at a craft or bead store – I got ours at AC Moore. M did the beading – he chose the beads and put them on the wire, often more than once if they fell on the floor. He made two to match. Then I wrapped the wire onto the earring finding and voila, a beautiful gift. (Although, don’t underestimate the wrapping procedure if you’re a beading newbie like me. However, since it was a gift from a five-year old, I didn’t feel perfection was necessary.)
For people who don't have pierced ears, we made bookmarks on a ribbon. These were less successful in my opinion, because I had to be involved the whole time, to help him thread the beads onto the ribbon (we used a waxed piece of thread, folded in half as the "needle"). With the earrings I could walk away while he prepared the wires, and attach them to the earring piece later – he could watch or not.
P, who is eight, had trouble with the earrings. He wanted to use big beads, which slip of the end of the wire. He didn't want to hear me tell him that if he started with small bead, it would hold the big bead on. He stuck an ugly button on the wire which looked terrible, and my perfectionist tendencies kicked in. So to cut to the chase, he drew pictures on bookmarks that we cut out of cardstock, and felt very proud of them, and I'm sure the recipients will like them too. They meet my criteria because a little piece of paper, used as a bookmark (I use old envelopes all the time) just cannot be clutter. At least not as long as people read books, which isn't a sure thing, I guess!
E, who is three, made a single gift – he climbed on my lap and said he wanted to make a present, so we did. I didn't feel that he was up to making more than that. Maybe next year.
You can buy pieces of wire like pins, with a head on the end to hold the beads, load it with a few beads, leaving enough wire at the end to twist around the earring finding that you can get at a craft or bead store – I got ours at AC Moore. M did the beading – he chose the beads and put them on the wire, often more than once if they fell on the floor. He made two to match. Then I wrapped the wire onto the earring finding and voila, a beautiful gift. (Although, don’t underestimate the wrapping procedure if you’re a beading newbie like me. However, since it was a gift from a five-year old, I didn’t feel perfection was necessary.)
For people who don't have pierced ears, we made bookmarks on a ribbon. These were less successful in my opinion, because I had to be involved the whole time, to help him thread the beads onto the ribbon (we used a waxed piece of thread, folded in half as the "needle"). With the earrings I could walk away while he prepared the wires, and attach them to the earring piece later – he could watch or not.
P, who is eight, had trouble with the earrings. He wanted to use big beads, which slip of the end of the wire. He didn't want to hear me tell him that if he started with small bead, it would hold the big bead on. He stuck an ugly button on the wire which looked terrible, and my perfectionist tendencies kicked in. So to cut to the chase, he drew pictures on bookmarks that we cut out of cardstock, and felt very proud of them, and I'm sure the recipients will like them too. They meet my criteria because a little piece of paper, used as a bookmark (I use old envelopes all the time) just cannot be clutter. At least not as long as people read books, which isn't a sure thing, I guess!
E, who is three, made a single gift – he climbed on my lap and said he wanted to make a present, so we did. I didn't feel that he was up to making more than that. Maybe next year.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Why Homeschool
An On Point show this week on innovators and entrepreneurs, which prompted me to think again of why I choose to homeschool. The show featured some innovators, mostly scientific, I believe (I missed the beginning). As I listened I was thinking of what I want for my kids. At the same time I am trying to define my own goals, and I'm reading I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was. This book encourages the reader to discover why they are not following their gifts, and one step is to consider what those who know/knew you want/ed you to be.
To take this back to homeschooling, I have multiple thoughts. One is not to have expectations of what my children will do as adults. On the other hand, listening to the show on innovators, I want them to have the education to do whatever they wish -- I would hate for them to be held back by choices that I make about their education -- although, if I set the level of preparation at the same level as our public school, perhaps the bar is lower than it could be. And a point that seems difficult for non-homeschoolers to grasp is that I don't want to damage our family relationships in my effort to provide the education that I think is required. Although I do expose them to topics, and I do strongly encourage handwriting and math and I do not push to hard. Some exposure may be important, but force isn't required for them to find and follow their gifts.
We have a small high school at a local technology institute. I would like for them to be equipped to go to that high school, if that is what they wish. But I don't wish that for them if that is not their interest. It may be that my eldest will want to pursue some aspect of film, or some as yet unfound interest. I want to remember that for all of them to pursue a livelihood that uses their unique gifts is the most important gift I can give them. It is most likely to lead them to the happy life that I wish for them.
To take this back to homeschooling, I have multiple thoughts. One is not to have expectations of what my children will do as adults. On the other hand, listening to the show on innovators, I want them to have the education to do whatever they wish -- I would hate for them to be held back by choices that I make about their education -- although, if I set the level of preparation at the same level as our public school, perhaps the bar is lower than it could be. And a point that seems difficult for non-homeschoolers to grasp is that I don't want to damage our family relationships in my effort to provide the education that I think is required. Although I do expose them to topics, and I do strongly encourage handwriting and math and I do not push to hard. Some exposure may be important, but force isn't required for them to find and follow their gifts.
We have a small high school at a local technology institute. I would like for them to be equipped to go to that high school, if that is what they wish. But I don't wish that for them if that is not their interest. It may be that my eldest will want to pursue some aspect of film, or some as yet unfound interest. I want to remember that for all of them to pursue a livelihood that uses their unique gifts is the most important gift I can give them. It is most likely to lead them to the happy life that I wish for them.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Eating Right: Local and Organic
I've recently read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, and I'm thinking more about the way we buy and eat. It's not easy to do the right thing! Here are some of the things I'm thinking about.
I would like to stop buying factory farmed meat. Although I've toyed with vegetarianism, Kingsolver makes a good argument for omnivorism, and then, as always with this issue, there are the practical concerns -- such as my husband really likes meat! So I need to find local meat, and I can. There is a farm about 20 minutes away that sells their own pork, chicken, lamb, and beef. These animals are locally and humanely raised, but I don't know if they're fed pesticide-treated grain. There is a turkey farm another 10 minutes away that has pretty good practices, but could probably not be considered organic. So if I can do the trip just once a month or so, I can probably meet that goal. I am concerned about the cost, but so far the prices are somewhat reasonable, and if I save extra trips to the supermarket, I will probably save some money.
Produce is more difficult for me. I shop irregularly, and try to shop without the kids, so working Farmer's markets into my schedule is more difficult than it should be. There is a farm (not far from the meat farm) that sells in season produce, and they use IPM, so I feel comfortable buying from them. I am not an expert at planning my menus around what I found. I like to choose a recipe then get the ingredients. Also, my husband calls our crisper drawer in the fridge the "rotter drawer" which is sadly too accurate! Frozen organic produce may be my best choice. I'm just not seeing myself buying up all the in-season organic local produce I can find and canning it or otherwise processing it for use the rest of the year. I've considered joining a CSA, but have so far resisted, because I'm afraid that only I would eat what we got, and I'd feel guilty about any waste. As I've said before, I may have gone wrong way back in terms of what my kids will eat!
After reading Kingsolver's book, and with my newly raised conscienceness about pesticides, I find trips to the supermarket excruciatingly frustrating. What's safe? Everything has pesticides or high fructose corn syrup! Of course you know this, but there are whole aisles of junk -- an aisle of cookies and crackers, an aisle of sugar cereal, an aisle of corn syrup salad dressing, and aisle of crunchy pesticide chips. There is no organic bread in my supermarket. I realized that of the healthiest foods I buy, I eat most of them, and my kids get the SAD (Standard American Diet) stuff. (Medium SAD only -- I have some standards!)
I'm getting ready to make our bread. I have a Bosch Universal on my Christmas list, and I think I'll get the Family Grain Mill package from Survival Unlimited with the Bosch adaptor and the hand base. They have the best price I've found. I don't have much of a plan for food stores in case of an emergency, so I figure some wheat berries (which last for years) and a hand mill would be part of that plan. The trade off between time and healthiness is very clear to me. I think I'm willing to take on bread, especially if I'm making 6 loaves at a time. There is the worry that my family won't like what I make, but I've been making bread off and on for a while, and it generally gets eaten. I might not be able to go to 100% whole wheat, but I think it will be healthy bread, and I can buy organic wheat berries. There is a store about 50 minutes away that carries organic whole grains -- worth it if I go only once or twice a year.
I would like to stop buying factory farmed meat. Although I've toyed with vegetarianism, Kingsolver makes a good argument for omnivorism, and then, as always with this issue, there are the practical concerns -- such as my husband really likes meat! So I need to find local meat, and I can. There is a farm about 20 minutes away that sells their own pork, chicken, lamb, and beef. These animals are locally and humanely raised, but I don't know if they're fed pesticide-treated grain. There is a turkey farm another 10 minutes away that has pretty good practices, but could probably not be considered organic. So if I can do the trip just once a month or so, I can probably meet that goal. I am concerned about the cost, but so far the prices are somewhat reasonable, and if I save extra trips to the supermarket, I will probably save some money.
Produce is more difficult for me. I shop irregularly, and try to shop without the kids, so working Farmer's markets into my schedule is more difficult than it should be. There is a farm (not far from the meat farm) that sells in season produce, and they use IPM, so I feel comfortable buying from them. I am not an expert at planning my menus around what I found. I like to choose a recipe then get the ingredients. Also, my husband calls our crisper drawer in the fridge the "rotter drawer" which is sadly too accurate! Frozen organic produce may be my best choice. I'm just not seeing myself buying up all the in-season organic local produce I can find and canning it or otherwise processing it for use the rest of the year. I've considered joining a CSA, but have so far resisted, because I'm afraid that only I would eat what we got, and I'd feel guilty about any waste. As I've said before, I may have gone wrong way back in terms of what my kids will eat!
After reading Kingsolver's book, and with my newly raised conscienceness about pesticides, I find trips to the supermarket excruciatingly frustrating. What's safe? Everything has pesticides or high fructose corn syrup! Of course you know this, but there are whole aisles of junk -- an aisle of cookies and crackers, an aisle of sugar cereal, an aisle of corn syrup salad dressing, and aisle of crunchy pesticide chips. There is no organic bread in my supermarket. I realized that of the healthiest foods I buy, I eat most of them, and my kids get the SAD (Standard American Diet) stuff. (Medium SAD only -- I have some standards!)
I'm getting ready to make our bread. I have a Bosch Universal on my Christmas list, and I think I'll get the Family Grain Mill package from Survival Unlimited with the Bosch adaptor and the hand base. They have the best price I've found. I don't have much of a plan for food stores in case of an emergency, so I figure some wheat berries (which last for years) and a hand mill would be part of that plan. The trade off between time and healthiness is very clear to me. I think I'm willing to take on bread, especially if I'm making 6 loaves at a time. There is the worry that my family won't like what I make, but I've been making bread off and on for a while, and it generally gets eaten. I might not be able to go to 100% whole wheat, but I think it will be healthy bread, and I can buy organic wheat berries. There is a store about 50 minutes away that carries organic whole grains -- worth it if I go only once or twice a year.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Charlotte Mason outside time
The weather has broken here after a long hot humid spell, so I decided today would be a good day to try to get our 4-6 hours outside, as Charlotte Mason recommends. This has been a typically up and down day.
I went out around 10am with the clippers. First I had to chase the kids off the non-Charlotte Mason approved computer. I took out my tree book to identify a tree near our driveway, and tried to get my five-year old interested in that, not particularly successfully (I think it's a Hickory tree). I spent awhile clipping, and after a little moping, the boys got busy drawing in chalk on the driveway. That is, until the five-year old freaks out about his brothers messing up his drawing. I have a little talk with the oldest about how important it is for the five year old to feel that he can draw (since he’s intimidated by how good his brother is at it), then I go around to clip in the back, after suggesting we separate the driveway so that middle boy can have his own part. Of course, the three-year old isn’t very good about following rules like this, but I’m not sure that came into play. Pretty soon the seven-year old comes running out with the five-year old in pursuit. Turns out the middle child has been throwing ice cubes at his big brother because he’s still mad about the drawing. thing. So I sent him to his room, and on the way he yells at me that I’m stupid, which earns him a little extra talking to.
Later, they swang for a bit, and then we had lunch outside, which was a little hard to coordinate, but we managed, and had a good 10 or 15 minutes, including noticing an interesting bug. I commented on our trees—which ones matched and which ones were different.
Later, my oldest wanted me to read with him, and at my suggestion he set up a spot for us with cushions while I did a little cleaning up in the kitchen. That worked for about fifteen minutes, and then the other two got a little too rowdy and we stopped to look at clouds for a few minutes.
After another break inside, I came out again to practice throwing a Frisbee. The middle boy turned on the hose, but the three-year old ended up in control! They had a good time, that is, until the five-year old freaked out about getting squirted when he didn’t want to be.
Tonight we have a Frisbee game, so that will be more time outside, so we’ve definitely exceeded the recommended time, but it ain’t easy! I find that most outside time is like this – some good, but a lot of issues, too.
I went out around 10am with the clippers. First I had to chase the kids off the non-Charlotte Mason approved computer. I took out my tree book to identify a tree near our driveway, and tried to get my five-year old interested in that, not particularly successfully (I think it's a Hickory tree). I spent awhile clipping, and after a little moping, the boys got busy drawing in chalk on the driveway. That is, until the five-year old freaks out about his brothers messing up his drawing. I have a little talk with the oldest about how important it is for the five year old to feel that he can draw (since he’s intimidated by how good his brother is at it), then I go around to clip in the back, after suggesting we separate the driveway so that middle boy can have his own part. Of course, the three-year old isn’t very good about following rules like this, but I’m not sure that came into play. Pretty soon the seven-year old comes running out with the five-year old in pursuit. Turns out the middle child has been throwing ice cubes at his big brother because he’s still mad about the drawing. thing. So I sent him to his room, and on the way he yells at me that I’m stupid, which earns him a little extra talking to.
Later, they swang for a bit, and then we had lunch outside, which was a little hard to coordinate, but we managed, and had a good 10 or 15 minutes, including noticing an interesting bug. I commented on our trees—which ones matched and which ones were different.
Later, my oldest wanted me to read with him, and at my suggestion he set up a spot for us with cushions while I did a little cleaning up in the kitchen. That worked for about fifteen minutes, and then the other two got a little too rowdy and we stopped to look at clouds for a few minutes.
After another break inside, I came out again to practice throwing a Frisbee. The middle boy turned on the hose, but the three-year old ended up in control! They had a good time, that is, until the five-year old freaked out about getting squirted when he didn’t want to be.
Tonight we have a Frisbee game, so that will be more time outside, so we’ve definitely exceeded the recommended time, but it ain’t easy! I find that most outside time is like this – some good, but a lot of issues, too.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
I Surrender! I Take It Back!
When I was a new mother of a single baby, I did not immediately surrender to motherhood. I especially did not surrender to homemaking. But as time went by and I had two additional babies (eventually, three children under five), I did. I was a mother and a homemaker, and I came close to embracing that role in my life as well as in at least one holiday letter sent out to friends and relatives. My relationship with housework has always been rough, but I do accept it as my responsibility, currently, although I do expect some help (and I don't do laundry).
But now I'm wanting to take a little back, to find a little ambition and figure out what to do with it. The first step is to permanently give up any thoughts of having any more babies. I know we're done, I really do, and there are plenty of good reasons not to have any more babies, but I still find it hard to state definitively that this is it. Nobody I tell believes me.
The second step may be to figure out which ambition to follow. Should I try to save the world? Should I try to write that bestselling historical novel? I have enviable leisure to figure that out; well maybe not leisure, exactly, but I don't have to work for a living, currently; I just have to take care of a house and three kids.
My biggest problem? I feel like my creativity is stuck, and I don't know how to crack it open. I think that my calling is to write. I am a published technical writer, but that, I'm almost sure is not my calling. I love to read. Lately my reading list has been a bit bland -- books about homeschooling, homemaking, and chick lit, mostly. But I'm a historical fiction nut. I love A Midwife's Tale, by Laurel Ulrich. I read fantasy: Judith Tarr, Ursula Le Guin, Shari Tepper, Anne McCaffrey. I like mysteries, but of all the genre's I read, I'd be surprised if I ever wrote mysteries. But where do I find the stories? I don't seem to have them. Maybe a scene here or there, but no complete story arcs. Maybe non-fiction is a better bet for me?
And then there's this baggage from my last worthwhile endeavor -- that is, being a mother to young kids. I still have those kids, and I'm still committed to giving them the best childhood that I can. It's just that I want to find a little something meaningful for myself, too. I'm petrified, that I'll look up in fifteen years and wonder what I thought I was doing with all that time. I recently listened to an interview with a homeschooling mother of one, whose life still seems to center around homeschooling -- her only daughter is 28! I don't want to send my boys to school, but I recognize that I'm afraid of the work of finding and following through with an alternative. There is an alternative school within commuting distance, but I'd have to work to pay the tuition. We have a relaxed lifestyle at home now, and that would change if we went that route.
And somewhere in there is finding some time for this new ambition. Although it's true that my kids are less work than when they were 0, 2, and 4 (they must be, right?), I find it hard to actually find that time in my day. Apart from creating and cleaning up three meals a day, plus snacks, plus keeping the house in acceptable shape, not to mention answering a hundred questions an hour with a smile on my face, there are plenty of family-type projects to work on, from photo albums to family movies to family room shades. And I've always struggled with routines -- I think I want one, I may even spend time creating one on paper, yet they never last for long. Yet I think that is what I need to carve out time for me.
Part of me is ready to jump right in, but another part of me thinks I need to educate myself first. I don't know enough to be able to write like Diana Gabaldon. And even though J. K. Rowling gets plenty of criticism, she seems to know plenty of history, mythology, and literature. Natalie Goldberg says to be specific: not just tree, but sycamore. I don't know anything about trees! But how to get there? What the heck did I do for nineteen years of school?! I think it has to be independent study, but I wish I had a way to make myself accountable for it.
But that is the beginning of my plan: 1) Read. Read more widely. Read things that are difficult. Think about and form opionions about what I read. 2) Write. Attempt to write fiction. If scenes are all I have, then just write scenes.
But now I'm wanting to take a little back, to find a little ambition and figure out what to do with it. The first step is to permanently give up any thoughts of having any more babies. I know we're done, I really do, and there are plenty of good reasons not to have any more babies, but I still find it hard to state definitively that this is it. Nobody I tell believes me.
The second step may be to figure out which ambition to follow. Should I try to save the world? Should I try to write that bestselling historical novel? I have enviable leisure to figure that out; well maybe not leisure, exactly, but I don't have to work for a living, currently; I just have to take care of a house and three kids.
My biggest problem? I feel like my creativity is stuck, and I don't know how to crack it open. I think that my calling is to write. I am a published technical writer, but that, I'm almost sure is not my calling. I love to read. Lately my reading list has been a bit bland -- books about homeschooling, homemaking, and chick lit, mostly. But I'm a historical fiction nut. I love A Midwife's Tale, by Laurel Ulrich. I read fantasy: Judith Tarr, Ursula Le Guin, Shari Tepper, Anne McCaffrey. I like mysteries, but of all the genre's I read, I'd be surprised if I ever wrote mysteries. But where do I find the stories? I don't seem to have them. Maybe a scene here or there, but no complete story arcs. Maybe non-fiction is a better bet for me?
And then there's this baggage from my last worthwhile endeavor -- that is, being a mother to young kids. I still have those kids, and I'm still committed to giving them the best childhood that I can. It's just that I want to find a little something meaningful for myself, too. I'm petrified, that I'll look up in fifteen years and wonder what I thought I was doing with all that time. I recently listened to an interview with a homeschooling mother of one, whose life still seems to center around homeschooling -- her only daughter is 28! I don't want to send my boys to school, but I recognize that I'm afraid of the work of finding and following through with an alternative. There is an alternative school within commuting distance, but I'd have to work to pay the tuition. We have a relaxed lifestyle at home now, and that would change if we went that route.
And somewhere in there is finding some time for this new ambition. Although it's true that my kids are less work than when they were 0, 2, and 4 (they must be, right?), I find it hard to actually find that time in my day. Apart from creating and cleaning up three meals a day, plus snacks, plus keeping the house in acceptable shape, not to mention answering a hundred questions an hour with a smile on my face, there are plenty of family-type projects to work on, from photo albums to family movies to family room shades. And I've always struggled with routines -- I think I want one, I may even spend time creating one on paper, yet they never last for long. Yet I think that is what I need to carve out time for me.
Part of me is ready to jump right in, but another part of me thinks I need to educate myself first. I don't know enough to be able to write like Diana Gabaldon. And even though J. K. Rowling gets plenty of criticism, she seems to know plenty of history, mythology, and literature. Natalie Goldberg says to be specific: not just tree, but sycamore. I don't know anything about trees! But how to get there? What the heck did I do for nineteen years of school?! I think it has to be independent study, but I wish I had a way to make myself accountable for it.
But that is the beginning of my plan: 1) Read. Read more widely. Read things that are difficult. Think about and form opionions about what I read. 2) Write. Attempt to write fiction. If scenes are all I have, then just write scenes.
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