Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Fulfilling Motherhood

Hubby and I watched Garden State the other day. It’s another one of those movies that reminds me that many, many people feel just hopeless in their lives. Can I state for the record that I do not feel that way? There have been times in my life when I have, but I don’t now and hope to never feel that way again. I count my blessings. Life is busy taking care of a house and three little people, and I don’t have as much leisure time as I might like, but I do not hate my life.

I’m usually pretty happy with my lifestyle as a SAHM. I live in my insulated little world, and my friends and I all congratulate each other on our excellent parenting. Every now and then I emerge enough into the other world to recognize what I don’t have. Last year when the baby was very small, when I was still measuring his age in weeks, I went to my 10-year graduate school reunion. I got to introduce myself as a stay-at-home mom to people who create policy and run companies and governments. I said I wrote letters to the editor (had to say I did something “worthwhile”).

This weekend I’m going to a baby shower for a college friend. In college she was very fun. Now she’s a pathologist. I can hardly fathom what it is she does and the amount of knowledge she’s crammed into her head. So on Sunday I will be leaving my safe little world and heading out (without children) to talk to people who may not be parenting small people. Who may be doing highly worthwhile work. Who, if they have children, may not parent like me. I am nervous.

No value judgments, of course.

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