Sunday, February 08, 2009

Back to the status quo

The acute danger of a layoff seems past. My husband has been getting reassurance through the grapevine for him and his whole group. He now reports directly to the president who orchestrated the layoffs, which has good and bad points, but allows the president to get to know him and the work he does, creating a personal relationship.

And it has brought me back to my third point which is where I get uncomfortable. The crisis gave me two opportunities: to count my many blessings (in the hope that I would be able to keep them), and to recommit to the life I have chosen of homeschooling and homemaking. And it did that. When faced with the possibility of needing to work and send the boys to school it seems very clear that this is the better life.

But when the crisis has passed, I return to my itch that although what I do is best for my kids, I'm not convinced that it's best for me. Those five days of sureness look very attractive, in an odd way. My problem is, I lack motivation to make and meet my own ephemeral goals. NaNoWriMo gets me to write in November -- I need something to get me to write the rest of the year. Or I need to stay so busy that I'm not wondering what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life.

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